Badbfriend

trptossing · 2015-07-30T01:54:09+00:00

The relationship admins keep deleting his post(s) it seems.

Managed to read his second attempt.

As he tells it, turns out some of what he was lead to believe was not accurate. The Hospital has a rape adviser tell the family not to allow her to talk to him unless she specifically said so, the mother took this to mean to be very strict with him, he in turn was told to be standoffish when he met with her right after, and she didnt know he was told this and was worried about why he was so stand offish and thought she did something wrong. Snowballed from there. He is pursuing filing a complaint against the rape adviser at the hospital.

Misunderstanding #2 as told by him, the cheating was not as he was led to believe either and the way she tells it, she got groped by a co-worker at her new job, but due to her PTSD from her rape she froze up and was unable to stop him. She felt she was to blame for not stopping the coworker and felt she cheated, told her therapist she cheated but did not detail the events until recently.

In the end, he wants to be with her, she wants to be with him, he hashed it out with her family, and he is going on a solo vacation to spend some time on his own gathering his thoughts and looking to self improve.

Everyone in relationships is giving him mad shit for coming here and think his life will fall apart now that he has become a MRA redpiller or something like that.

Others believe he is a troll due to some inconsistencies in his stories.

tiredofyouragendas · 2015-07-30T02:54:25+00:00

It is amazing that I am still getting anywhere between 6-7 p.m.'s a day with people offering me advice, wishing me well and wanting to know what happened. I was just going to delete this account because as we all know both of our family's and all of our friends have now seen and read my posts. Hell even a co-worker figured it out and has been giving me his advice. My last post on /r/relationships did not go over so well. In fact I received twice the amount of hate p.m.'s in that one than I did any other type of p.m. combined. A lot of them were heartfelt disappointment in me and some of them were down right vile in nature. I don't even want to repeat here what was said to me. I ended up on another sub reddit because my posts had been linked to them. It certainly was an eye opening experience for me. Growing up I've always been taught certain views and then to see a group of people go against the grain so to speak and do so without shame or apology was a new experience for me. In talking with them I did let them know that there was a new development that occurred last week in that she wanted me to attend her Friday therapy session with her to provide me with additional information regarding things that had happened over the past year, specifically in regards to her being with someone else. Also full disclosure here, what I am about to say is with her consent. She is not happy about it but she also knows since all of our friends and family will be reading this that this was the only way to get it out all at once. Because they already thought the worst of her anyway, which she is heartbroken over btw and she wants her friends back. I went to the office and was expecting the absolute worst. I was expecting that she either had been with other people as well or she had been with this guy since she agreed to quit. In fact I stupidly said in that other sub that if this were the case I was done, no questions asked. I actually got there before she did and got to sit in awkward silence in the waiting room until she came in. Brief chit chat and pleasantries exchanged but I was already super nervous. The therapist tells me that Sara has something she wants me to see and she hands me a hand written journal that she has been keeping since the first week they started therapy. Sara start bawling and barries her face in her lap and there are two post it notes being used as bookmarks that I am to read. The first post it note was very early in the book and in it she describes our first meeting at her parents house from her point of view. In the book she wrote "Chad was very cold and distant from me" and goes on to talk about wondering if I thought she did this on purpose and if she was ruined. It kept spiraling down until she started to have bitter feelings towards me because of it. If you remember from my very first post I was instructed to act this way by her Mother. She said when she saw my post it immediately struck her that we were both talking about the same night. She has since confronted her mother about this and confirmed my version of the story. As it turns out this was not the advice of the therapist (she wasn't even involved yet) nor was this advice from a Doctor. This was advice they were given by a rape advocate who was with Sara in the E.R. This woman literally told them to not let me near her until she wanted me there. Nobody ever asked her, she thought I didn't want to be there. This was more of a kick in the gut than I can describe accurately. Every single damn thing that went down hill from there was because a man hating woman (and the more I've heard about her the more I believe that to be the case) told them to keep us apart. I have already filed a complaint with the hospital administration and they have asked for a written statement which I am sending to them. How fucking different would the last year have been if this person had not interjected herself into our lives. Both of us thought neither of us initially wanted to be around the other, when in fact that was the furthest thing from the truth. Now honestly it does not explain everything else that happened, like her distance with me even almost a year later, but that was the catalyst for everything. We spent almost the entire hour talking about that part then I went to read the second post it note that was about mid way through the journal. I have to be very careful with what I say here. She wrote very vividly about the day it occurred and two things are coming from this. One I now know, which I did not until I read the journal, that she had been placed under a 72 hour detention at the hospital. Apparently the night it occurred she took an entire bottle of Xanax and ambian. Her sister is the one who found her and she was told by sara to not ever tell me about that. Second and I'll just say it like this. I can't say rape but I will certainly say taken advantage of. It was her second day at the new job and she was working the second shift and a group of people was in the break room eating. She was the new girl and this is an all male workforce, minus her and three other women who work in the office area of a very large maintenance shop and tow truck business. Of course being the new person they were all very friendly trying to get to know her better. She wrote that one guy (I'll call him douchebag) set right next to her and kept talking to her and asking about her and as the others were leaving to go back to their work she was getting up and douchebag grabbed her thigh and told her to hold on and not be in a rush. She wrote that once he grabbed her thigh she froze up in fear. She had no idea what to do or what was happening but eventually when everyone else was gone he started to kiss her and finger her. At this point in time someone walked past the door so he backed off and she was able to leave. She was able to leave that night without having to see him again. The journal was hand written in several different colors of ink and if she did just write this before we went there she would have had to hand write in excess of 100 pages. So this leads me to asking several questions not the least of which is "why did you let me think that you had cheated on me for almost 6 months without ever telling me what actually happened". In her mind she said that she felt like she didn't stop him and that she thought I would consider it cheating anyway no matter how it happened. She also said that she felt very guilty about not saying no or anything for that matter and that is what led her to take the pills. The unprotected sex part was my own fault to an extent. I never got the full story at the therapist office so what I asked was did he use a condom and when she said no I kind of exploded. So her telling me that she didn't use a condom was because they didn't actually have sex. Oh douchebag got his jollies feeling up my girl but that was it. She had even told her therapist that she had cheated on me and never told her the extent of the story until recently. So when we went to the first meeting the therapist was acting on the same information I was. So that happened Friday. I told her that I needed some time to process my thoughts and would get ahold of her on Saturday. I exited and she stayed behind to do some one on one with her therapist. At the end of the day I think a lot of this has been very much dumb luck. But dumb luck doesn't take away the bitterness I have built up over the past year. I came to some conclusions Friday night and Saturday and I went over them with her on Sunday. I feel like I have taken a back seat to everybody and everything for over a year now. I've placed my life on hold and honestly felt neglected. I now see some of that was due to outside interference but I also see some of that (hell a lot of it) is my fault for not standing up for myself and letting this get out of my control. So while I know this is really going to piss some of you off here is where it stands and likely be the last thing I say on it. I want her back in my life. She wants to be in my life. I love her and she loves me. That being said I have to put myself in a place where she can be a part of MY life not just me trying to fit into hers. I will be involved from Sunday forward in all parts of her recovery. I will be consulted on any changes, progress or updates. She is going to be moving back in with me, but not until after I return from a vacation. I am taking one week all to myself and I am going on vacation (I have never done this before). I would have been happy to go somewhere with her but since she has changed jobs she has no time off available to her. I have enrolled both of us in a self defense class. Thank you to one of the members of that other sub for suggesting this. She thought this was a great idea and really likes that we can do this together. Her family and I had a heart to heart Monday night. I got a lot of things off of my chest that I had wanted to say and to their credit they never got mad or defensive. I know for a fact that they were doing what they thought was best for Sara. Yes her sister was teasing me about my accident with her. I'm not sure who had more fun making me turn red Sara or Susan. But in the end they also agreed to making me part of the team. Overall the rest of the week has been kind of business as usual. She has absolutely kept her word about trying to make things right. She is much more the Sara I remember. We both know that we have a long way to go but we both believe in each other. Thank you reddit both subs /r/relationships and /r/asktrp tl:dr: Found out man hating rape advocate was the initial problem as to why we were kept apart. In therapy found out she didn't cheat, she was molested for lack of a better word. We are working things out but I am changing up how I live my life in a lot of new ways. Things are good overall and this should be me signing off

prodigy2throw · 2015-07-30T01:25:59+00:00

Possible troll

Title	Badbfriend
Author	bryanlharris
Upvotes	12
Comments	6
Date	July 29, 2015 11:27 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3f3dym/badbfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/badbfriend.151756 https://theredarchive.com/post/151756

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