Gonna make a TL:DR version.....

Found a pic of a girl I was in love with, at least the Kierkegaard false image of her, basically my Regine. It fucked me up bad, I can count on one hand the things in life that have made me feel like that.

The reason why I wrote so much is I was in genuine pain, even after talking to an IRL red pill friend for 3 hours I felt bad. I did a lot of journaling and introspection and now I feel a lot better, along with research and a few of the comments here but most weren't helpful. The reason I wrote so much is b/c I felt like someone close to me had died. This is a reminder not to let women in and probably why so many men kill themselves after divorce. I felt like I had the flu the next day and my heart actually hurt. I checked her social media again and I feel 5% of what I did that day. And I didn't check it again b/c I'm weak, I did it to make sure I'm over it. Apparently burning pictures is symbolic and means the woman has value, so deleting all her pics years ago was BAD, I should have kept them somewhere not easy to get, at least thats what one manosphere post advised.

Anyway I was young and naive and lied to by everyone like all men are. Religion, culture, race, women, politics, and even nutrition is wrong. There are probably more categories. So I fell for a girl who I refused to be with b/c of religious beliefs when I was 18 (now athiest), and it stuck, no other girl has stuck like this one. I read a few RP sites and they said if a woman has a certain look or facial feature that is really biologically compatible with you then you can get oneitis easy and strong, and I think thats what happened. Because she was maybe a 6.5 in looks and literally had nothing else of value, but she was the exact type I like almost to a T and her face was EXTREMELY attractive to me. I have had other girls I was close with and nothing like this ever happened and not near to the degree or lasting so long.

I realize now that you need to expunge your past as well as guard your future. I will never be this vulnerable to women again because of TRP, but since I thought I was so strong and RP in my life now I didn't realize that the blue pill things in my past and in my memory and wired into my neurons were so strong.

I also read about how you will have nostalgia and believe women who weren't that great were amazing because it was a new chemical high so it seems better but objectively a girl from the past is probably way worse. I constantly purge myself of delusions and this seems to be one I forgot about and crept up on me. Felt like I got hit with a freight train.

So remember girls and memories in your past that got to you before TRP are VERY dangerous because they are like a virus that got in before your immune system had any response to it. You have to go back and deprogram any blue pill narrative your brain believes about those women. As soon as I used stoicism to examine the truth of what happened the pain started to decrease and is almost gone. Sleeper blue pills....... now I need to make sure I don't have any more land mines in my memory.