Controlling vs Leading

I am trying to determine if my husband of 3 years is controlling or I’m being too sensitive and a “bad wife”. I don’t have a track record for seeing red flags… in fact, I’m “color blind” when it comes to that sort of stuff. Or at least I was.

It’s so easy for me to see when someone else is being treated poorly but struggle to identify it when it’s happening to me.

I literally have NO ONE in my life I could consult with, 0 friends or family. I’m self employed so I have no coworker buddies either. And I’m going mad Googling. I want practical experiences from ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS! All I have is my husband and I know his perspective on the matter… he’s fine.

Can you please define what controlling behaviors look like and/or what good leadership is? How does your husband treat you? What is appropriate? What is not? I know these are kind of broad, but I’m overwhelmed and am unsure of exactly what to ask. PLEASE HELP 😭

EDIT: It was recommended that I try and list some examples or behaviors for more clarity. I completely agree and will attempt to do so. Typically I don’t struggle to articulate stuff but I’m really struggling to know where to start and how to organize it. I have hundreds of things but come up ”speechless”. Here’s one from like a year ago that’s fairly easy to describe. He tells me to “shut up” when we are in a disagreement/fight and I’m annoying him. But one time last year when talking with our son, no fight or anything, and I was talking when he said “shut up”. He said he wasn’t done talking. I was taken aback. Afterward I said that I didn’t like him telling me to shut up, it’s rude and disrespectful and asked him not to. He got angry and said he was still talking and walked me through the timeline and was like “well, then, didn’t you need to shut the fuck up?”. I just agreed and apologized, not be cause I agreed, but because the hell that would occur if I argued any of it.