It's been about 5 weeks. We had a stupid argument that got heated. We've both been stressed due to the baby coming and me starting a new job. She's accusing me of abuse of all kinds, took out a RO against me, and was recently able to fight for some visitation. She did this before a year ago after the birth of our first child but the accusations were so scurrilous that the judge questioned the credibility of her testimony of her Affadavit before the hearing began. We got back together to try and make it work and for about a year it was ok - so many good times and a few arguments here and there. She's really stacking the deck against me.

Our second anniversary was yesterday, and I was able to see 16 month daughter for the first time in a month. Not to mention that my second daughter is due to be born any day now and I won't be able to witness that or know when I'll get to meet her.

I keep going from ok to dreading the future. How am I going to be able to afford a decent living space for myself and my daughters? Will I even be able to retain shared legal/physical custody? How can I be the best girl dad I can be? Luckily my attorney is solid but I still have these incredible feelings of hurt and betrayal.

It's like we have plans together for the future and then suddenly, poof, it's gone like it never happened. I've made my mistakes, picked stupid battles, but I always apologized. She would never accept responsibility and would just resent and talk to her friends and family. To add insult to injury we're both devout Catholics, which will make this process even more difficult because of how it'll be received in our friend circles.

And on top of that I bet my stbxw is doing just fine, she has her freedom and independence she wanted. It hurts. Like she doesn't care at all anymore. At all. I need to accept that. But how?

She's agreed to mediation, but I bet it'll get contentious with custody issues. If anyone is in southern NH area hit me up, gonna need some friends going forward.