Oh man, where do I even begin? Latinas are like a never-ending telenovela that I can’t get enough of. I don’t know why, but I just enjoy dreaming about this. Maybe it’s my way of dealing with stress or something, but I just do it about once every week. Generally, I’ll put on a sombrero and strut around my house in a sort of salsa-dancing position, making maraca noises, then I’ll walk around and pretend to pick up various “trinkets” like guacamole or tacos, and put them in my imaginary bag while saying stuff like “¡Ay caramba! I’ll be having that” and laughing maniacally in my goblin voice.

The other day, I was chatting with my friends and they mentioned hearing weird noises and seeing strange salsa dance moves outside my window. I was internally screaming the entire conversation. I’m 99% sure they don’t know it’s me, but god, that 1% chance is seriously weighing on my mind. I don’t just want to date a Latina; I want to warp into her Taco Bell Gordita Crunch and bask in her radiance as i’m slowly digested. For now, I’ll just be here, a lowly internet goblin, dreaming of the day i can finally salsa into her life.

So yeah any tips how to get a Latina?