"Our future is our confidence and self-esteem." - Tupac Shakur

Contents:

1.) Background

2.) How to build it

1.) Background

The year 2020. When I first ventured down into the rabbit hole that is TRP, I became obsessed with getting my hands on each “How to become an Alpha Male” or “How to be a Bad Boy” post I could. I wanted to fill the void left by the lack of my self worth with the external validation of getting women hooked on me—which became an effort to fill a sieve. For 2 years I researched and applied Push/Pull, Amused Mastery, DARE, Frame—you name it.

And you know what I learned? These methods will not make you an “alpha”, but a beta (I hate this word) masquerading as one— a fake “alpha” is just a guy who is mimicking confident behavioral cues without the rock solid psychological state to back it up. I was not finally “attracting girls” so much as obtaining sex through deceit. Sure I had sex, but I was still only a beta resorting to trickery. This begs the question, why waste your time in trying to look confident when you can BE confident? Not even for the shallow purpose of just obtaining sex, but to have a better life.

Alright so, what is confidence/self esteem?

Self-esteem or confidence is having a high regard for yourself and your abilities.

That’s it.

This does not mean that you must be arrogant.

A confident man, a man with high self-esteem does not need theatricality or deceit to gain sex. In fact, he does not NEED women—he knows they’re only the icing on the cake. He knows that as long as he has his own approval he WILL be comfortable. This man does not need a persona (e.g. bad boy persona when speaking to women or pretending to be a smartass with coworkers) because he knows that his true self is more than enough.

-He is able to connect with others because he believes in himself.

-He is unthreatened and genuinely cares about others because he is generous by his internal “surplus” that overflows.

-He does not merely see women as “perfect beings” or “children” but as people who are neither inherently superior nor inferior.

-At the same time, he has the capacity to enact aggression when appropriate.

-He dictates the world around him.

-He unapologetically lives the life that he wants to live and says whatever he wants to say.

-He rejects everything and anyone that stands in his way of him and his beliefs.

-He does not need anybody yet warmly welcomes the right people into his life.

Enough, let’s talk about how to build self-esteem. This now leads us to the 3 principles of self-esteem. While you're reading, remember that the big-picture is to have a high regard for yourself and your abilities.

2.) 3 Principles of Self-Esteem

Principle 1 - Belief

Yes, action is important for building self-esteem. BUT, it must be accompanied with an unconditional belief in oneself to begin with. You must believe as if you already powerful and strong. It can't be, "If I work on this then I will have high self-esteem" because it will project itself onto being 1 day out of reach, 1 week out of reach, 1 month out of reach. You are living from a mindset of "when I" instead of "I am". Master self-belief NOW.

You must first believe that you are already worthy AND THEN seek to reinforce and justify it even further with action (next chapters). Belief precedes action. Starting with action first to build your self-esteem is not advisable if your inner critic is strong; it will seek to discount and twist your victories into little nothings. Before you act make sure you are already operating from a mindset that holds yourself in high regard to cripple that inner critic.

Principle 2 - Self-Efficacy

Self-Efficacy means thinking that you are competent and that you have the skills to deal with anything life throws at you. This does not mean knowing about any specific thing, but that you have the means to learn it... to overcome and adapt to anything. A confident man says: I don't know that thing now but give me a bit of time and I'll crack it in two.

You must cultivate boldness. Boldness rises from challenges of struggle and uncomfortability. Comfort raises timidity. This means that you must constantly go outside of your comfort zone; you will not think of yourself as competent if you're stuck where it's safe and nice. Go out there and embrace suffering, discipline, ownership, surpass your fears, and build excellence in areas that matter for you where you're currently lacking (e.g. speaking, working out, social skills, etc). Be ruthless in leaving no evidence for your inner critic to find and use against you. And be independent, rely on no one but yourself to become your own man.

Principle 3 - Self-Respect

Self-Respect means that you have dignity in yourself. Picture a king, do you think that he let's people get away with disrespect, crossing his boundaries, and insulting him? No, he takes a stand. People who let others get away with crossing their boundaries develop social anxiety, for subconscious fear that they'll get disrespected again and there's nothing they can do about it. To not speak up for yourself is to disown your very soul and shows others what they can get away with.

Put yourself on the pedestal (this does not mean being arrogant). Do not mindlessly listen to the goings of the crowd and think for yourself (even for this post); no one's opinion is greater than yours. Have respect for others yet refuse to be controlled by them, if they don't respect that then that's when your capacity for aggression and boundary setting will come in handy. Be a leader with a steel hand within a silken glove. Be magnanimous to your friends and ruthless to foes. Know who's who. Know that your wants and needs are important and be unapologetic in going after them and expressing yourself. Do whatever you want to do; don't wait for others to tell you what needs to be done.

Sources:

IllimitableMan

6 Pillars of Self-Esteem

How to build self-esteem - Well Rounded YT Channel