So I've always been kind of a red pill guy, although I only found the subreddit about a month ago. The thing is I'm naturally a quiet dude, I spent most of my life playing video games. I've always done well in school (currently doing PhD), and I've always ate well and hit the gym regularly (at least for the last 4 years). I'm 6'2", 180 lbs at 13% bf, my face is ok, maybe 7, some would say higher. I don't think I'm a loser, but I've definitely never done well with women. I'm 27 and have slept with 3, fooled around with maybe 5 more.

I come off as a hard ass to my friends. The guy who never has emotions, the guy who never cares about anything, good or bad. I'm gonna be honest, and this is probably BP as fuck, but the only thing I ever really wanted was to find one person I considered my equal (plus or minus a bit) and marry them. And I'm not being overly romantic about it, I've been in 2 LTRs and I know there's ups and downs. But as I get older and I become more open to what the modern dating scene is like I don't know what to do exactly... I've dated maybe 15 women (I've never had problems getting numbers), and it's always the same thing. I go on a first date, it's fine (i can converse with anyone about anything), I kiss them, they enjoy it. I go on a second, or third, things progress, then I'm usually ghosted. I don't text much (learned not to early on), but it always happens. Often we're compatible as I meet them through school, I always lead on the dates, always keep things light, but they always ghost me. Somehow I know I must be fucking up the tingles. But that's besides the point. I'm getting to the point where I realize it's not that I "just haven't met the right person".. There is no right person. They're all the same, following their biological imperatives. And here's the point of this post, without the thing I've wanted my whole conscious life, what is there left for me? I've travelled the world, I'm doing a PhD in chemistry, I workout regularly, I have tons of male friends (who I love). But as I go on each of these things becomes less and less appealing. I try new things all the time, volunteering, classes, reading new books, going to new places, but none of them gives my life significant enough meaning for me to continue on. I feel like each day is slightly worse than the one preceeding it, and I honestly don't know how much longer, with my current trajectory, I can continue before I call the quits.

Is anyone out there like me? Does anyone have advice... does it get better or do I eventaully just stop caring?