My ex cheated

empathylion · 2024-08-14T18:18:50+00:00

It's tough to give advice without understanding what's going on, I'm going to try to explain what I understood and what I think may help. Let me know if it makes sense.

To me, it sounds like to protect yourself from the pain of a breakup, from the pain of broken trust - you're choosing to be skeptical of all women and to reject them often. It probably feels risky to trust them.

But, then you're left with the pain of a lack of connection with women. Which also sucks

I'm imagining that you don't want to live life as you are now or you wouldn't have posted, but you also don't want to deal with the pain of heartbreak and cheating again. So you're stuck and confused about what to do.

So here's how to think about what to do :

First, is acknowledging that you can't guarantee that you won't feel hurt again. Someone can break up with you again. Someone can cheat. You can't control another person no matter how hard you try. There will always be risk. Period.

But what you CAN do, is 1. Make better choices on who you date 2. Have better problem solving with your partners 3. Improve how you deal with breakups

These things REDUCE the risk of pain. But they do NOT eliminate it. You can't eliminate pain, you can just change how you deal with it and reduce risk.

These things also enhance the joy and quality of relationships and how well you deal with uncertainty and emotional pain in your life. If you can make better choices on who to date - you'll be more fulfilled. If you have better problem solving , it becomes unlikely that someone will solve a relationship problem by cheating. If you improve how you deal with a breakup, you bounce back stronger.

Let me know if this was helpful at all. Wishing you the best !

Complete-Run-1389 · 2024-08-14T16:10:00+00:00

Edit: we were together for almost 3 years

Ralphyourface · 2024-08-14T22:09:22+00:00

It's unfortunate that you found out much later, and I'm sure that's undone some of the progress you've made.

Trust is the most important thing. I think it's also unfair to hold new women in your life accountable for what others have to you in the past. You will never know if you can trust a woman with your heart unless you allow yourself to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, I think that's our burden to bear as men.

However, building up your confidence and self-worth before entering the market is key to being able to get back up if shit hits the fan again.

naffhouse · 2024-08-14T23:31:02+00:00

I’ve been cheated on.

I’ve been dumped numerous times.

I am glad I had those experiences because when I met my wife, I didn’t let her walk all over me and I had her respect from day 1.

We have been happily married for 8 years and have 3 kid’s.

I thank the women who destroyed my heart when I was younger, (I was very hurt for many years and it took me a long time to get over the heart break).

Know this:

Each day gets a little easier as long as you refrain from any contact with them and you remove them from all social media so you don’t spend any time dwelling on them or trying to keep tabs.

My advice would be to try not to worry about meeting someone new. I would recommend spending as much time with other people as possible and the quicker that you can get laid (no strings attached), the better.

Having casual sex helped me realize that there were many other women out there and that I would eventually find someone new.

Godspeed.

keker0t · 2024-08-14T16:25:15+00:00

Women are overrated,find something else to fill the void, when the time comes she will appear or you will become desperate enough to try again. Caution: this is solely my opinion may or may not work, if you got the dough go see a therapist.

Clean_Theme_1332 · 2024-08-14T16:43:25+00:00

If she really did cheat on you, then nothing of value was lost. Look up psychacks on YouTube. Gives you a lot of insight into women’s minds

jeffhizzle · 2024-08-16T12:31:47+00:00

I also couldn't trust after my divorce and it caused me to almost lose the love of my life who I dated after. You have to understand regardless of what you went through, to find love again your heart is always going to be at risk to truly find it. If you don't give 100% you are sabotaging the relationship. With that being said it's ok to take time to heal. Make sure you're ready. I personally hit the gym when I was hurt and put on 26 lbs. DMs always open to talk.

Pharaon_Atem · 2024-08-14T16:23:36+00:00

Take time to heal.
Think about it, are there any viable alternative ? What will you do ? Never dating and loving women anymore ? No, sooner or later this will come back, this desire to have someone.
So take time to heal, learn to trust yourself and others, and just know that there are some people who cheat and others who don't, you "just" have to find girls who will love you.

This is only my opininon.

Title	My ex cheated
Author	Complete-Run-1389
Upvotes	18
Comments	8
Date	August 14, 2024 4:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/1es5mhz/my_ex_cheated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/my-ex-cheated.1527241 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527241

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