I realized that it's not because I can't be happy, is that's I don't want to be happy.

"You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain…’

Yes, I know it's a comic book quote, however it seems to ring true.

This all seems to have happened so quickly that it caught me by surprise. There has been no infidelity that I know of and and i haveb evidence of that.

I realized that I don't want to be happy without my family intact.

I would have rather died a hero, great husband and father that was sorely missed than to slowly dwindle away slowly, alone.

I'm loving separated from them and have no motivation to become better. I know I can get into better shape, I have done it before but I have no motivation. We have been separated two years and she refuses to talk to me. She had some mental issue going on but the pain is too great. I vowed, through stickness and health, this is sickness but she won't let me help her. I'm just stuck... I lay in my bed most days and do nothing but watch YouTube and TV. I still see my kids but it's not the same. They are so young adults and have their own lives. This is supposed to be the time my wife and I grow closer and grow old together, now I'll grow old alone if I when get old and not die younger. I'm 47.... Married 26 years and have no desire to date or fine someone to love, I just want to fix my life or with her or move on to the next world. I can't seem to get past this.