I'm really struggling with the strength to file for divorce.

A little bit of background. Wife is a narcissist, the relationship is toxic and is not good for the kids. We are foster parents and she went ahead and said yes to a 7th child in our house even after I said I was not willing to foster another kid.

My wife and I have adopted 5 of our foster kids, we have 2 more we are currently fostering (1year old and the aformentioned 1 month old).

I am really bonded with our 1 year old foster as I've raised her from birth and I'm dragging my feet in hopes the opportunity to adopt her comes up soon. My heart rips in half even thinking about not adopting her or knowing that she could grow up thinking I abandoned her.

Reality is that the adoption could be another year away and as bad as the marriage is, I have to make a decision. I just need some perspective and I'm reaching out in hopes someone in this group has been in my shoes.