Preface:

So I (35 M) had a breakup like 3 weeks ago, and I felt devastated in the beginning for obvious reasons. I was 9 months into the relationship, meaning my "game" is a bit rusty compared to what it used to be. I want to commit some experiences I had this weekend.

Act I: Friday

On Friday, a wingman of mine invited me to a karaoke bar to drink and sing some songs. Crowded bar, small, cool and friendly atmosphere. I saw a couple of groups where we could enter and talk, but I hadn't warmed up yet.

Then by pure coincidence, we sit at the bar in front of the "free water" dispenser. What a good spot to have small talk with everyone! Really. People need to interrupt you to get some water, so while they fill their glass I start talking to them silly or funny stuff that made them chuckle or just talk.

I was getting warmed up, and then this European tall girl and her friend gets close to us. I start talking to her. I heard she was talking some german, so I told her my english is better than my german, and she told me she's from Holland, so we started talking about traveling and stuff.

I don't want to go into more details, but at the end the vibe was very good. Her friend joined the conversation, so I introduced my wingman too and had a nice group talk. That night nevertheless, I didn't feel like escalating more, so after some songs and drinks, I asked her insta and said goodbye.

Act II: Saturday

The same wing man told me he wanted to go out that night and meet more girls, and I told him I know a good bar for that.

We arrived there at 11 p.m., warmed up having drinks on a table close to the dance floor. It was too early, so the vibe was not built up yet. Afterward we went to the bartenders again, and we casually met 2 girls from Central America. Quite easygoing the chicks, they were not our type, but this helped for us to get warmed up for the next set.

Meanwhile, I noticed 2 hot chicks in their early 30's that were going around and one of them looked at us. We were dressed and groomed, by the way.

I also noticed there are many guys in that bar in their mid-twenties, dressed just like a kid that got out of mom's basement, holding a glass of alcohol in front of their chest, just looking around these hot chicks but not approaching at all. That was me like 12 years ago; I realized how far I have come (and yet a long road is ahead).

We decide to sit on some sofas that are empty, and we purposely left some space if someone wanted to join. After some time these 2 chicks sit nearby, but not close enough to immediately talk to them. I wait some minutes while I talk to my wingman, and then I tell him, I'll open this...

I go and sit by one of these girls, a blonde with an amazing smile and curvy like a spanish guitar. She noticed me so I openly say with a smile: "hey, my name is XXX, what's yours?" She tells me her name. I noticed she has a colombian accent, so I talk to her in spanish, saying how obvious is her accent. She laughs her ass off, and we keep taking.

Eventually she introduces her friend, I introduce my bud, and we have fun altogether. The girl had a boyfriend actually (I know she was not bs me because I saw his picture with her on her cellphone) but I didn't care. She tells me later that whenever I visit her country, she can show me the surroundings and so on.

After 1 hour of fun and laughs we exchange contacts and then we depart.

Lessons (re)learned:

Warming up is crucial. It is ok to arrive at some crowded place and not having the energy to immediately open sets. Take your time, have some drink (if non-alcoholic even better), talk to your wingman or make friends with another lonely wolf in the place.

Warm up with the "not-so" demanded girls, focus on having fun, don't be too logical, have some sense of humor, tease them back.

This way you will develop a sense of belonging to that place, or that you can carry yourself there just as you are. When girls notice that, then I'd say you are ready to open any set. It is not what you say, it is how you say it and what level of confidence you display. Warming up makes me more confident and relaxed.

I also groom properly, which is just to level up my confidence. And when I check out some girls looking at my style, I get confidence boosts for free.

I still grieve for the breakup, but this is a good step towards life.