it's almost midnight! she's at a concert with her girlfriends. while I am here waiting for her like a simp after doing her laundry. Made lunch and breakfast and cleaned the house. she didn't leave the bed the whole day then went to a concert that I didn't know she bought tickets for until two days ago.

I tried to talk divorce few months ago and took few days away from her and I felt like my life was crumbling without her. I couldn't eat or function. I begged to work on our marriage and do counseling.

The problem is, I know I am better off without her, I own the house (before marriage) I make more money, have retirement. She works as an estiltisian, keep all her money while I pay all the bills. she says she would help with groceries but I am the only one paying for groceries because I can't wait for her or just left us without food as I have a son from a previous marriage. (no kids with her).

I am just tired, I can't focus on my carrier, because I am always focused on her. she does nothing at the house and I am the one doing everything, laundry, cooking, cleaning and paying all the bills like a bitch.

I am good looking and take good care of myself, I know I can do better but I am just stuck in this stupid irrational love with her, sex with her is the best I ever had in my life and I find myself sipping for a pussy that I am sure one day will dump me if I stop or I am the one needing support. she's extremely good looking so I am insecure a little bit as she get a crazy amount of attention everywhere she goes.

She now booked a trip for a whole week, she says it's something she always wanted to do, but she keeps taking screenshots of TikTok about underground bars and nightclub in New York. she says she won't stay late but I think she might be planning to go have fun. I don't understand how you can claim you love a man but then you plan to go on a trip solo and your man stays home while you're in bars in New York City and potentially night clubs? Took her on trip around the world on my dime. and she couldn't even invite me to a trip.

I know I would be better off without her, she add no value to my life beside a great sex. and me having those feelings for her. my brain knows I Need to get rid of her but I also love her.

How can I move on? am I wrong for feeling used? how can you move on and divorce someone you love more than life itself? I can't see life without her. she didn't cheat or did anything outrageous worthy of divorce but at the same time, I am the only one putting so much effort into this relationship and I am getting tired. we did couple counseling and every session seem like an attack on me so much so that the therapist kept pointing it out. she makes me feel like I am the worst so much that I am always spending money and my time taking care of her instead of focusing on my work and I am staging with her and without her, but just the though of losing her or seeing her with another man or thinking she had sex with someone else will shatter my world and might cancel myself... I don't know brother, I am stuck between simping or living without love. why do we have to give it all like that?