TL;DR: How do you untrain the Beta that was literally beaten into you and shown to you for 15 years?

Long time lurker in Seddit, and I just stumbled onto TRP. It's all so clear to me.

What I wanted to ask specifically about was how to undo Beta conditioning? My dad.. tried to learn to be Alpha, but he only keeps his frame with regards to his profession. Around his wife, he engages her.

And he loses every time. For the first 15 years, he took it out on me, his frustrations about his life and his maddening wife that he had no control over, who constantly starts fights and makes messes and demands others clean it. It was brutal. I'm frickin surprised I made it. Beatings, screaming, hours long roundabout discussions that made you want to kill yourself. Open ended trap questions. Serious discussions while taking a shit. (Serisouly, the look on my face the first time I saw Friday.)

On the other hand, I'm surprised I didn't wake up sooner. I had all the evidence of crazy being displayed to me on a daily basis.

The behavior I saw from my mother was both unconscious, and terroristic. Not sure if that's a word. But she was hurting so bad, stuck in a relationship with a man she honestly hates, can't help but start fights with, and a son she never wanted.

My sister is the good child. She was, of course planned. My mother is just a piss poor excuse for a human being. But she got me to see female motivation for what it truly is. 30 years later.

I was perfectly trained, punished any time I was caught with porn, they'd take away my access to the computer for months at a time. had my car given and taken away too, at whim. I couldn't read, or chat with friends, or anything. And it was just .Jpeg's and written stories on Literotica (dial up!), back in the mid 90's porn wasn't what it is now.. I was never taught what to do with my emotions and feelings. I was simply told not to do it.

I don't know how to undo all of this conditioning. I'm at the point where I Lift, I have a 225 lb squat, to 135 degrees of flexion, and I look better than I ever have. I still don't feel good enough, like I don't believe it in my core. What more evidence could I want? I lost 70 pounds, gained proficiency with every barbell lift out there, and am now around 18% bodyfat, going down still. I'm still fat, but I'm fasting and learning how to cut down.

I know that I have to confront my approach anxiety and be declarative with my intentions with a woman as being overtly sexual, if I in fact prefer that girl.

There's such a mental block in my head when I think about it. Every interaction I've had with a woman before I got to college was pure Beta training for me. I had no frame, so I had to scheme it out of girls and take what I could get. I listened to what they told me they wanted.

Lets see, anger outbursts instead of action, bargaining and social posturing, doing everything for a woman. Sticking up for them, seeing them as a victim, and only getting attention from fat girls. Yup. Perfect score on the Beta chart.

Where's Chad?

When I think about walking up to a girl and looking her dead in the eye and say "I want to fuck you." I want to be able to do that without hesitation. Fuck, it's what I WANT to say. But I know I've got too much Beta in me, and saying nothing usually works better than trying to be declarative with my Beta shit.

This conditioning is stupid, I know it's there, and I think the most expedient solution would be to start going up to random girls everywhere and telling them that I want to fuck them. But I'm asking you guys, because I am usually wrong, at first.

Before, with girls, I never had frame, always asked permission, and never made them feel like it was okay or natural. I allowed what I was taught about sex to show through. I never knew it was okay, or even allowable. Kids are sex offenders and child pornographers now for having pics of their girlfriends sent to their phone.

I've never held my frame, it's, almost uncomfortable. You get used to it, but I keep having to remind myself. New Years was the first night I did not give a fuck, and wanted to get laid.

What would the best prescription be? I know I'm capable of doing it, I've proven that, but I don't know what to inhibit in my head, and what to let out to be seen as genuine and authentic. Some of the things I naturally say act like a hair drier to pussy.