Hi guys

I know this is unconventional but we have kind of run out of options. I beg of you to please read and not judge a situation if you have not yourself been in it. If you do not agree, please move a long and do not post hateful comments. I am on my very last, my fiancé and I have been taking hit after hit in life and it is just starting to feel like we cannot catch a break. I also don't want to share names or contact information because I made the mistake of doing so once and I received very hateful messages as a result (mostly from women assuming the worst).

So here is the story, my fiance and I met while he was busy going through a lengthy nasty divorce. I know that's nothing new or unique. The divorce was due to a marriage that fell apart after his wife had an affair. I'm not saying it is all his ex's fault, I am not nor will I ever understand what she is going through but I know what my spouse is going through and what I am going through as a result. He has admitted that after the affair (she came clean about it), his life kind of went of the rails. He wanted to fix it, she said she did too, although he had said that it felt like her heart was never in it and that it felt like a one sides effort. He wanted to keep fighting though, mostly for their kids involved. There were some poor financial decisions made on his part due to him falling into depression, he impulsively left a job he was already unhappy in and moved himself and his family to go live with his father in a East London (South Africa). She wasnt working so there was no income and my fiances dad had offered for them all to live with them while they got back on their feet and tried to rebuild their marriage. His father owns a small one man handy man business so my fiance started working with him to earn a bit of income. After a while he woke up to her one morning packing up their things and putting the kids in the car, she told him she wants a divorce. She left and went back to where they had come from, Port Elizabeth (South Africa). Now he was stuck, he had no transport, he had no choice but to continue to live with his father so that the little he was earning he could continue to pay her. He longed to be near his kids but could not afford to, she was angry because of his reckless decision to leave his job and shifted all blame entirely onto him. She, to this day, refuses to believe that she has any part in the downfall of their marriage and life. Fast forward to after his divorce was finalized, we started trying to move forward and build our own little life. Moved in together, his dads company grew a bit bigger so he was able to continue to work for him and between the two of us, he was able to pay his ex the maintenance amount for the children that was agreed upon and although we didnt have money to spend on anything except the necessities, we were okay. He was very much depressed though because he could not afford to go see his kids as often as he liked and his ex wasn't making contact with them easy (refusing to answer the calls when he tried to talk to the kids and ignoring the messages asking her how the kids are doing).

Fast forward even further, my fiance's father's company started to do very poorly, it was a very difficult financial year for us and after paying what needed to be paid we had no money for the most basic essentials. We relied heavily on help from our family to simply survive. My fiance continued to look for work but was unsuccessful in his attempts. Unfortunately, due to our position, he fell short on the amount he had to pay towards his children. He was paying as much as he could but it was very rarely the full amount. As you can imagine, due to this, his ex's bitterness continued to grow and she point blank refused to let him speak to his kids, his son answered the phone once after multiple attempts to call but he was not able to talk to him because her voice interrupted and her exact words were "you can speak to the kids once you put money into my account" I could hear his son crying in the background. This went on for awhile and he received some advice from a friend in the police that he should go to the station, she is not allowed to withhold contact simply because he cannot afford to pay maintenance. Apparently maintenance and contact with children are two completely different issues and she has no legal right to withhold contact. He did just that and they police called her and although the root problem wasnt sorted out, the contact improved.

We continued to struggle financially for about a year until my father had stepped in (he also owns a small one man construction and maintenance business), he approached me and asked us if we would not consider moving to Port Elizabeth and then while my fiance looks for a more stable work, he can do contract work for my dads company. It wasnt ideal but I work remotely and didnt mind moving especially because I would be closer to my family and he was happy because even though he wouldnt be earning a lot, he would be earning more than he was in East London, he would be in the same town as his children and he would be able to (at the very least) pay the full maintenance amount for his kids each month.

Here we are now in Port Elizabeth, yes, things are going slightly better. My fiance has been able to pay the maintenance since end of March. The problem now though, is that she had sued him with a garnishee order for the outstanding maintenance. It is not a massive amount considering the length of time he was basically unemployed. He was never earning a steady income, it was a matter of no work, no pay. His ex thinks we have moved to Port Elizabeth to come (and I quote) "disrupt her and her children's lives". Now I can completely understand that he owes her the money and that it is his responsibility as a father, but she is very well off. She does not need the money to be paid back as quickly as she is demanding it to be paid back. He is not refusing the pay the debt, but we simply cannot afford at the moment to pay back more than 100 (south african rand) a month.

He went to court in July and because she has a lawyer fighting on her behalf and the fact that it is my father he is contracting for, she is convinced that he is hiding money and that he is permanently employed by my father. She wants a ridiculous amount (additional to the normal maintenance amount until the debt is paid off and we simply cannot afford it). They gave him the option to return on 20 August with a lawyer which he took (his attempt to find a lawyer pro bono has been unsuccessful so far and if we could afford to pay a lawyer then we could just as well pay off the debt which we cant). We have been trying everything in our power to try and get the money together to pay her off. So far we have only managed to pay back 2600 (ZAR). In total the debt was 18 393 (ZAR), we are now left with a debt of 15 793 (ZAR).

She refuses to sit down and have a civil conversation, instead she verbally attacks us every time we pick up and drop off the kids. Both my fiance and I are not good with conflict and we do not know how to defend ourselves in the moment so we basically stand there while she throws accusations at us. If this garnishee order is successful on the 20th of August, he will be forced to pay her every cent that he is earning and more. I can not help any more financially than I already am, 100% of my salary goes towards rent, utilities, wifi (which I have to have for work) and our vehicle which we also cannot get rid of because my fiance needs it to earn an income. After all is paid, WE ARE STILL SHORT. There is nothing in our budget that we can cut. His earnings are on average 10 000 (ZAR) a month, that is on a good month. He pays her 5 900 for maintenance towards the kids now. That leaves us with 4 100 (ZAR), she expects an additional 5 000 (ZAR) a month until the debt is paid off. That is nearly 11 000 (ZAR) a month. He is not even earning that much. We cannot afford to pay any additional towards the debt. We do not have anyone we can borrow from, we can't take out a loan that we won't be able to pay back. We have sold what all that we realistically could sell which was the only reason we were able to pay 2 600 (ZAR) towards the debt. I do not want to beg but we have exhausted all other options, we have not had a decent nights rest since he was served these papers almost 3 months ago. We are already struggling to get by and we are worried every month whether we will have enough to pay everything. My fiance is still looking for a more steady work but employment is very scarce and what he has been able to find offers a salary that is lower than what he is currently earning and that is simply not an option. If anyone could just find it in their hearts to not judge us and help us. We only need another 15 793 (ZAR).

I will post a link to a "Back a Buddy" campaign I created as well as my bank account details for those who are unable to use the link. Please refrain from hateful comments. We are already drained emotionally and financially and have to resort to asking for money from strangers on the internet.

Bank account details: Capitec Bank Savings account Account number/IBAN - 1260205965 Swift code/BIC number - CABLZAJJ

Back a Buddy link : https://www.backabuddy.co.za/campaign/clear-the-slate