Perhaps different from a lot of folks in this sub, I'm not in a massively toxic relationship. No kids, no housing, no real assets. Just three dogs. We've always struggled with money and that's part of the stressors on our relationship. Very codependent lifestyle and not-infrequent sex.

But I just want to be done, and have wanted to for almost 2 years now. We were moved in with family, and I suggested we separate temporarily to find out who we are apart. Im definitely happier besides the awful guilt that eats me, but she's miserable and misses me a lot. She has almost no support systems in the form of friends or family, so I don't even know how to tell her I want things to be over for good. Seems like there's no "good day" to do it because a family member or client at work makes her cry or she's in pain/injured or something: Constantly miserable, and I can't bear to make it worse by cutting the lifeline she does have in me.

How do I even have the conversation? What should I prepare? She's planning to visit me at the end of the month for my birthday. Should I tell her to cancel the flight (her mom is paying) or should I talk to her in person? I don't think this will be something nasty and bitter, but I'm going to ruin her, seriously.