To start this is all in California.

I have been separated from my wife since march of this year. We have been having problems from the beginning of our marriage. I now know that we both have had child hood traumas that have affected our relationship. Both co dependent, poor communication skills, and I suffer from ptsd. I did cheat on my wife with prostitutes prior to and twice while married. She found out in 2021 and since then I have tried to make amends. Everything has always been my fault. She has been able to manipulate me. She has always treated me this way, and I was filled with so much guilt and shame I believed that I was a terrible person. I have used alcohol, weed, porn, and almost any other instant gratification to numb my feelings. I put my self into a 30 day ptsd program. I have been sober since. When I got released from my program, she asked me not to come home. I then stayed at my sisters and friends house for 2 months.

She told me she wanted to go down south and spend the summer with her family, her support team. We were exchanging the kids every two weeks since she moved July 3rd. I dropped the kids off to her on August 28th and she now does not respond to text messages, phone calls, and I have only spoken to our kids once since then. I have filed for legal separation for now, but have not been able to serve her due to not knowing her new address.

I believe I have figured out where she works. I need to serve her soon before she has residency down there. I would rather do the divorce in the county I live in. She is going to try to drag my name through disgrace. I’m concerned she is going to tell everyone about what I have done. I’m afraid she is telling our kids that in a horrible dad. I’m sure the kids are asking about me. I have a couple more weeks to hopefully get her served before she can file herself.

I feel so powerless at the moment.