How to deal with my mom's financial stranglehold that she puts on the family?

NiftyDolphin · 2015-11-17T18:32:00+00:00

he just tells me that I don't understand a complicated scenario.

Tell your dad that you and your brother know and that it's OK.

Then forgive him for whatever he admits. (He's gay, btw.)

Then tell him that you'll love him no matter what and that he should stop letting his wife blackmail him.

Terminal-Psychosis · 2015-11-17T20:41:42+00:00

Does she have parents? Tel her dad to smack her one. Shoulda been done LONG ago.

You n bro can very well say something. If she ignores this, ignore her. Turn her off completely.

In that case she is no longer your mother, she is nothing but a strain on all of you.

When she spews her bullshit, just ignore her and walk away. Might not make any difference to her, but possibly.

Also, document her abusive behavior. Every little abusive thing she says and does.

It will come in handy for the divorce that's coming.

And get Dad to set money aside for you, WITHOUT her knowledge!

Your only hope is taking over leadership there. With these family connections, you'll be fine.

Take an example from your mother. Be brutally efficient getting what you need and want, just don't let be so damn obvious like she does. What you want is best for the people that love you. She, and even your father are showing no love for you, so it is up to you.

Neither of your parents are fit to run a family. Watch out for you n your bro.

This is REAL advice. Goody-two-shoes politically correct bullshit will only do you harm.

MattyAnon · 2015-11-18T04:05:27+00:00

Don't get yourself into debt. Get your own independence as much as you can. Don't support her. Support your dad emotionally, but try to distance yourself financially (and emotionally) from them as much as possible.

Good luck.

Stayinghereforreal · 2015-11-17T16:24:57+00:00

In what way can I get her to stops?

You cannot. What you need to do is stop thinking you are the one to address other people's problems.

Your dad is like a spouse of an alcoholic or gambling addict, who enables the person who is a screw up. You cannot fix the screw up, and you cannot get the enabler to stop enabling. Mom and dad make their choices, and they need to deal with the consequences. All you can do is withdraw from the middle of it, minimize your dependence on them financially, and tell your dad you are there to help when he is ready to stop enabling her.

You cannot save people from their stupidity. Stop trying.

wanderer779 · 2015-11-17T19:28:42+00:00

You can't do anything and neither can your father without repercussions. This is why you don't get married.

BoTuLoX · 2015-11-17T16:14:50+00:00

You really cannot get her to stop. Her behavior is out of your control. Your dad is the only one who can influence it, and he's choosing not to do so.

How old are you? If you're under 18 and living under your parents' roof, there's not much at all you can say about it. If you're over 18 and living under their roof, all you can really do is minimize its impact on you by removing yourself from the situations your mom's profligate spending cause.

If you're over 18 and not living under their roof but are partially financially dependent on your parents for college, then you can only minimize their impacts on you by choosing not to be financially dependent on them. You can do that by either (1) borrowing for college; or (2) quitting college and getting a job where you're self sufficient and not dependent on your parents at all.

You cannot change your mother. Only she can do that.

Title	How to deal with my mom's financial stranglehold that she puts on the family?
Author	thegeeber
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	November 17, 2015 3:50 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3t62tb/how_to_deal_with_my_moms_financial_stranglehold/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-deal-with-my-moms-financial-stranglehold.156675 https://theredarchive.com/post/156675

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