Practical question on help with kids

Temporary_Toe648 · 2025-12-02T06:17:52+00:00

Totally understandable that you’re panicking — separation plus childcare logistics is a lot, especially without local family support.

The good news is that courts don’t expect you to be superhuman. Using childcare is normal, and it’s not a reason to deny joint custody. Plenty of working parents share custody without having a grandma living nearby. What matters is having a reasonable plan for pickups, childcare, and work travel.

Your wife also can’t stop you from arranging your own childcare during your parenting time. If the current nanny shifts loyalties, you can hire your own help.

If things are feeling tense, this might actually be a good moment to suggest mediation. A mediator can help you both agree on a temporary schedule, expectations around childcare, and how to handle travel — which often prevents misunderstandings from turning into legal fights.

You’re already thinking things through carefully, and that goes a long way. You’ve got this.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-12-01T23:06:07+00:00

Instead of panicking, you need to pause and evaluate your options and figure things out. Especially if your soon to be ex is going to be difficult, you’re going to have to step out of your comfort zone and assume responsibilities you’re not used to doing.

Talk to your employer about taking on a more flexible work schedule or work from home opportunities to adapt to your new parenting needs and custody schedule. Line up child care services or other after school care options and/or a new nanny or driver. Figure out car pooling options. Whatever it takes. If I can do it, you can too. Also, child care costs are usually taken into account in child support determinations.

I have a very involved corporate job with lots of travel, and no family in town. My ex was a stay at home mom, so she managed almost everything. She cheated on me and we barely communicate or cooperate at all in parenting, so she is NO help. I have 50/50 custody, with one week on / one week off.

I made friends with my kids’ friends’ and teammates’ parents. I got onto the car pool text chains. I have backup people to help pick up my kids if needed. My employer knows about the situation and they are flexible with me on travel and time in the office.

I also had to learn take over what I call the “pink” parenting roles. Cooking dinner, doing laundry, etc. was easy. I already did that. But some things were harder. My daughter had her first period over the weekend and my ex sent her to my house with no heads up, no feminine products, etc. Fortunately, I’m close with my daughter, but I had to jump in and help her figure that out. Last night, I spent 30 minutes helping her detangle and braid her hair.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s a lot to get your hands around in a short amount of time and it can be incredibly stressful, but your kids are depending on you to succeed. Make your soon to be ex realize how much she underestimated you. Be the dad your kids need.

probebeta · 2025-12-01T18:51:08+00:00

I don't think she can put you in a position of can't take care of the kids because you're working full time and need a nanny to help. But yes this one is difficult... I work from home so maybe that makes it a bit easier but it's pretty difficult to navigate until you find a routine that works for you. Having some help in the family goes a long way but if you don't have that then some changes are needed unfortunately. I now do early days and finish at 3pm because that's when I have to pick my son up. Then I try to do some additional work at night, home is a mess, chaos. It's exhausting but it can work.

Title	Practical question on help with kids
Author	CaptainFuture7
Upvotes	3
Comments	3
Date	December 1, 2025 2:08 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pbdoy9/practical_question_on_help_with_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/practical-question-on-help-with-kids.1567848 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567848

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