The time when I'm most happiest and feel like myself is when I feel like nothing matters anymore. I feel relieved, like I don't care about insecurities, my stresses about the future are put to the wind. I become a much happier person. And then 24 hours later I'm back to the same mentality where my personas shifted back, I'm scared about being independent and my confidence is much lower.

How can I be like this all the time? What can I internalise which will make me in a constant flux of not giving a fuck? It's a bit like feeling outcome independent i suppose, but all the time?