I've gone on a few dates but haven't closed. I can't help but compare her to other girls.

I feel shame over dumping her and know I could have kept things going as it was my first TRP style relationship where I realized I was actually lovable. I had this idea in my head that I wasn't ever going to have a real relationship in the sense that the girl wouldn't be 100% sexually into me.

I just feel like a massive beta. I'm also in this pretty shifty time in other areas of life. About to be done with school after this quarter (might not pass this prereq class with a high enough grade. 99% sure it's impossible due to my midterm grades), I think I tucked up a case study interview for the company I intern for (was looking to get hired full time).

My mental state has been totally fucked the last 6 months since I dumped her. I wake up every morning feeling like a fuckup. I've never been so negative in my life, nor have I felt so terrible. I feel a general sense of shame about who I am. I've been lifting ever since I dumped her and lost way too much weight. Went from dad bod to now skinny fit, but too skinny I think. I was trying hard to get abs and work from there, but I just look too skinny, and people have mentioned it.

I know I have internalized some TRP, I can give advice and I'm trying to live it myself, I just feel like I'm not making much progress.

I'm trying to meditate because the feelings and mental noise is pretty much unbearable at this point