Do you generally expect men to reach out to you in the beginning when online dating?

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-12-12T20:09:51+00:00

Oh, please don't do this to yourself. Online dating is the number one way people meet, so keep trying. Send that first message. Ask about his dog. Show interest. If he disappears, don't read into it. Literally anything could have happened. His dog could have died. He could be stressed about work. He could finally have decided that he's not really over his ex and doesn't want to date. He could determine that you're marriage material and he wants hookup material. You haven't even met the guy. Do not get hung up on this. Get cute and go flirt with guys at the gym. Go to a guest lecture at the local college. Download a new app. Do not give this any head space at all.

nnnmmmh · 2025-12-14T01:45:23+00:00

I met my husband online dating. Just to lay the ground work for my experience here.

Online dating is low stakes and relatively low investment. Please do not get so hung up on one guy unmatching you. I know it stings, I’ve been there myself. I had several in person dates that I thought went well but never heard a word back. I got stood up. I got ghosted. And the thing is, they just weren’t the men for me. I kept at it. Meeting new men and learning how to have a good conversation online. I continued to improve myself in real life. If translated to being more confident online too. Somewhere along the line I matched with my future husband.

There’s no harm in reaching out first. If you feel it’s something that might improve, give it a try. Again, this is low stakes and relatively low investment. You’ll probably have to wade through the weeds before you find your four leaf clover.

Standard_Debate_1572 · 2025-12-13T14:29:37+00:00

The reason you are attaching yourself to this one man and overthinking this is because you don't think you can pull someone like him. I know this because I've been there.

Before I met my husband, I matched with this incredible guy with a PhD, amazing sense of humor, similar interests... And I blew it because I thought he was out of my league, which he wasn't. I didn't value myself enough and he very kindly said that he wasn't interested in seeing me again, and I agreed that I wasn't ready.

I suggest taking some time off the apps and working on your self-esteem. You were initially attractive enough to interest this man, and likely you came off too insecure, which is likely why he unmatched/ghosted. Do some internal work, figure out why you're so anxious about this, and do the work to overcome those fears before they get in the way of your happiness.

Common-Engineering13 · 2025-12-13T00:09:05+00:00

when i used a dating app, i had no problem messaging first. in my mind, he has already shown interest by matching with you—i would take that as a clear indicator he wants to hear from you. it’s nice when they message first but i don’t believe it’s a rigid necessity. a little initiative won’t hurt your chances IMO

Jenneapolis · 2025-12-15T15:43:22+00:00

Nothing you would’ve done here would’ve changed the outcome. Messaging more or messaging less, for whatever reason this guy didn’t take it forward and would’ve done the same thing had you messaged more.

I found my husband online dating and personally yes of course I engaged with him but I only engaged with guys who pursued me. If I asked them questions and they responded to me with a couple words and didn’t ask me anything back, I let it go. I let them be the ones to set up dates. I showed my interest by responding to them quickly and warmly, and asking them questions back.

AutoModerator · 2025-12-12T19:00:51+00:00

Title: Do you generally expect men to reach out to you in the beginning when online dating?

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Full text: I talk to a guy who is on

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Django-lango · 2026-01-14T00:11:51+00:00

Definitely because of suggesting a restaurant. On online dating people normally opt for coffee, a walk or something like that for a first date. Men worry about women using them for a free meal or it being a sign of high maintenance etc.

Title	Do you generally expect men to reach out to you in the beginning when online dating?
Author	Muted_Apricot_4640
Upvotes	7
Comments	16
Date	December 12, 2025 7:00 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1pl04i1/do_you_generally_expect_men_to_reach_out_to_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-generally-expect-men-to-reach-out-to-you-in.1568683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568683

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