I’m Over It

Better-Options9508 · 2025-12-29T23:08:49+00:00

We have 4 kids. From 19 to 9. I do not have the ability to live without them. They are my world. It has been a rough life we have all lived.

I will be honest, my wife is emotionally abusive. Everyday. She is very destructive. She says and does things I will never understand. It’s like we are all puppets. Even her children.

I just found out over the holiday…my wife is just not who I thought she was. She has cheated on me in the past. This time is crazy. Multiple people over many years. She was part of an online community. When I found out, she used all her power to make me believe I was crazy.

My dad was bipolar. He passed in a car accident during a manic episode. It was the same day our twins were born. He never got to meet my babies. It was absolutely traumatic. I was running back forth from hospital to hospital from my wife to my dad. He lived a few days on machines.

I only included that above to add this…she has been using my father’s condition very strategically. Especially lately. Trying to break me. She will say…

“go die like your crazy dad”.

“You’re just like your dad. Accusing me of cheating just like your dad! Crazy as fuck!”

Many versions of this.

Over the last few days…she watched me with joy. Calling psycho. Telling her “people” how I was losing my mind. She really enjoyed my “condition” as I uncovered this whole community of lovers she keeps. But I figured it out. She enjoyed seeing my confusion and self doubt.

She has used my past, among so many other things to hurt me. She has said many awful things about me and my children. Her children! People that lover her. Thats the thing…my dad loved her! I mean he adored her. She so easily spits on his memory.

My mom loves her! However, it’s to the point my mom really wants me to leave to protect myself. Either way, she still just loves my wife so deeply. I mean, she’s been around since 15yrs old. She is a daughter.

My wife does not really welcome her into our home. I mean, it’s not a “no, she can not come here”. It’s more the bitterness and conflict that arises before, during and after the visit.

I have a vault of proof to her abuse. 100s of Videos. Pictures. Of her destructive and abusive behavior. She is a big player in how our 19 yr old son has developed. He struggles greatly in life. Drugs and alcohol. The result of our extreme bickering. Narcissistic mom. He’s a good boy inside though. It’s as if he, just as we all have, “learned” how to love her.

She is extremely addicted to weed. She started smoking in highschool. She’s a daily…all day smoker. Not at work. As soon as she gets home. She’s miserable without it. Hateful. Then she smokes and completely changes. Two different people.

She’s a “hate rager” when sober. Hate texts us all day at school and work. Hundreds of texts. Awful things. Will get home from work and scream. Break things. Then go out smoke for hours. Then come back in and act like it never happened. While we are left with ptsd and terrified.

Michigan is a no fault state. So I do not think it matters. Not that I would want to dig in after her anyways. I will always love her. I am still in love with her. I wanted so badly for us to figure it out.

I must also be very clear and honest…I have not been a gem of a husband. I never cheated. Not even close. Not my thing. I would join in the “name calling” game. I said some awful things.

However, I truly believe in my heart, I gave everything. As much as I knew how. Also, I actually got better. I grew. I worked at me over time. I was raised by wolves, so to speak. Poor. We were “trash”. Is how my wife would say it.

But I had opportunity for a fine education. Worked my ass off for decades. Rose above it all. I am now successful. Well…mildly successful. Relative to where I started. I beat the odds.

While I grew. She digressed. She grew angry and bitter. Hateful. Mean. Vindictive.

Anyway. I’m over it.

I am just done. Ready to move one and start over. It is really scary. I was convinced we would grow old together.

I was willing to forgive her for many things. Just knowing how hard life is. And given being a mom of 4 with an emotionally distant husband, which I was at times. Angry, at times. So, I had an unconditional love bucket that we would toss these things into.

This one is different. This one was dangerous and scary. This one proved I have no idea who she is. I do not want to be one of this guys that end up the subject of a Netflix documentary.

Any advice. Consolation. Words of encouragement. Understanding.

I will take them all.

Outside-Jicama-8468 · 2025-12-29T19:04:15+00:00

My lawyer is great. She wants to go after everything. I held her back. We are trying a disillusionment but if she doesn't sign, my lawyer said its a straight up $4k fee plus court cost if we fight it out. She said we would probably get whatever we wanted given my situation.

dpi2024 · 2025-12-29T18:06:24+00:00

The longer you wait to divorce, the more expensive it becomes. Just think about material side instead of emotional one.

Are you already on the hook for lifetime alimony?

Ok-Anything-3605 · 2025-12-29T16:00:27+00:00

If you don’t have assets or you just want it done, consult with a mediation attorney.

warwww · 2025-12-29T15:47:14+00:00

The most important question. Any kids?

Title	I’m Over It
Author	Better-Options9508
Upvotes	4
Comments	5
Date	December 29, 2025 12:54 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1pylkxf/im_over_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-over-it.1569965 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569965

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