​I recently got ghosted by someone I’d seen four times. It wasn't just formal dates; we’d hooked up and things seemed to be moving in a "casual but consistent" direction. Then, out of nowhere, they never responded to my last text to meet up again.

​It’s got me spiraling a bit on the "nature vs. nurture" of attraction. I’m trying to figure out where the line is between factors I can control (behavior, humor, how you present myself) and factors I can't (their personal preferences, "spark" meter, their internal life).

​The Internal Debate: ​The "Control" Side: Did I say something weird on the 4th date? Did I come of as moving too fast? Too slow? Did my personality "expire" once the initial physical novelty wore off?

​The "Innate" Side: do they just simply not vibe with my core personality? Is it possible that no matter how "perfectly" things went, the chemistry just wasn't high enough for them to stay interested?

​My question for you guys: In your experience, how much of attraction do you think is actually within our control through our actions, versus just being a binary "you have it or you don't" based on who you are as a person?

​Is it worth over-analyzing the moves I made, or should I just accept that I'm "not their cup of tea" and move on?

​TL;DR: Saw someone 4x, got ghosted. Trying to figure out if I "failed" a social test or if attraction is just an uncontrollable force that ran out of steam