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So you ready for this... The whole story..... So the thing that made me say something happened before Christmas, she was out, I had the kids, she didn't come back at a reasonable time, I fell asleep and when she wasn't back panicked. Couldn't get hold of her. I full on panic attacked. Shut down crying everything. She turns up 30 mins later, I jump up, hug her and tell her what's gone on, she shrugs me off and tells me to not be stupid. Now it might have been stupid but I am your husband and I'm on the floor panicking and crying, you needed to support me. I spent all night crying on the sofa.

Before that it's been a constant niggle, not seeing my value, constantly passive aggressive, dismissing my voice and my ideas, just treating me like I'll always be there, 0 Intimacy,

Jealous of the fact I have a team and friends, especially the female ones. I took on everything when her dad died and got nothing but sighs and comments all the time, try n tidy the house and it's just fucked up all the time, then I get it in the neck for not pulling my weight all the time. Which I still do. The aggression she has with next door it all her doing. The way she undermines me in front of the kids, I can't discipline the kids without her tell me off, or shouting at me, she won't let my son get a word in. All of this she has put down to the fact that I got diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and PTSD, ( story for another time) so on Sunday night I said I needed space and moved into the in laws while she is away.

this is just what happend in the past couple of years. ever since I have been diagnosed and had any sort of anxiety attack I was dismissed, sometimes asked to leave the house or out in the car for hours.

I've gotten to a point where my heart is broken and I don't want to fight this any more. Anyone I've told my story too including them have said how much I've been in a bad place and then they all wonder why I said something and it's so close to the end. Did they not realise that their words a week a go suggested that if it was another gender they would be dragging them out. Now I've said something and got to this point they kicking off at me. Dad told me I've ruined the boys lives and that I would grow old alone, and mum accused me of having an affair. Practically I don't know what the next steps are, like it told them if it was me and the wife only I would be out in another house filing papers, that part is tempered by the fact we have the boys. I cannot see how I fall back in love with the wife, I need to get out get calm, but I'm selfish, and a prick for wanting that. The future I see is me in a smaller 3 bed, and the boys week on week off, where I can be there 100% for them rather than this ghost I am now. Apparently I don't think about the boys tho.

apologies. I don't really know what I'm looking for, I just need to tell my story.

I am thinking/trying to get a divorce but my guilt for the boys and everyone's happiness/ hurt is crushing me so I can't move