Summary: Not a complete loser with women, but nowhere close to where I want to be. Feel like life is passing me by. So unhappy. Tired of being alone. Need help.

Body:

Story Time.

It is Christmas time again, what used to be my favorite time of year. However, since about 17 years old, I have hated it. I used to be a complete beta male. Buying girls flowers in high school. Complimenting them. i loved one girl so much but she was always into the bad guys. Parents, everyone told me, dont worry. One day you will find a girl who will "love you for you." I believed it for awhile. But i was lonely.

I started watching Mystery's show on VH1, bought the game. lost weight. change my style. learned how to neg. I lost my V my freshman year of college to a girl way older than me. It was quite a few months until I got laid again. After that girl, I got a gf and then dated for a few years. she ultimately cheated on me with a "bad boy." After getting over the heart break, I moved and went on a complete banging spree. Banged over 20 girls in 9 months by using PUA/cocky funny routines.

Moved to a new place and am currently dating a girl ive been with for about a year. However, things are on the rocks and I doubt we make it more than a month and I know why.

Long story short, I am getting older, and as I look back i have never met a "quality woman." 97% of all of the girls I have banged are fat, had horrible personalities, or had other issues. I banged them because I grew up with no girls..and feeling horrible about myself and having women (as long as they had a vag) really wanting to have sex with me is intoxicating.

I have made changes in my life. Have a good job, lost a lot of weight, things like that, but i cant really figure out why ive never been with any quality women, phyically or otherwise. I banged a hot girl one time. She was a stripper. But thats it. Even my current gf now, is not one id want to stay with for the long term.

I am beginning to sense that psychologically, from banging fat or bottom shelf women, i subconsciously tell myself that this is all i can get and never even bother to try to get girls I actually want. For fear of rejection, devaluing of self worth. I really want to change and either A.) consistently pull women that I actually want to be with (and not have to convince myself that I am into), or B.) find a girl worth marrying that is physically and mentally attractive (my preference).

It is sad that even though I "have someone," I know at the end of the day I am still alone.

So where do I go from here? I am not a complete beginner, i know how to get women, so I am not starting from scratch, but i am not happy here and I need to improve...30 is right around the corner.

Conclusion: Here for advice and to learn how to get started changing myself.