My(29f) fiancé (34m) is sole provider for his family

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2026-02-24T00:42:11+00:00

This is something you need to discuss fully, in depth, and at length with your fiancé. You need to map out what the future is going to look like with him and see if you can commit to that.

I have two uncles (one on each side) that have been on disability for decades and require assistance from family to varying degrees so I have some idea of what you’re dealing with. My mom made it very clear to her partner that her brother may end up living with her and that was non-negotiable. It’s definitely up to you if you can take this on or not. It’s certainly not easy and there is no one correct choice.

Thick_Emu_3516 · 2026-02-24T02:25:55+00:00

Hoo boy, please, stop the home buying process.

What your fiance is doing for his family is something someone could choose to do from an emotionally healthy place. But the language you use suggests he is guilted into all of this (or at least that is what you think): * "they make my fiance do it, despite them not working" * "idk why his family makes him in charge of his parents" * "I wish they would give him the freedom to start his life with me"

Your fiance is an adult. His family can't make him do anything. It is his choice. He may need therapy to establish healthy boundaries with his family; he sounds codependent - they probably raised him to look out for them, not himself.

A mature person can decide what they feel good about doing for their family, and do that, ignoring attempts to make them do more. That could mean taking 100% responsibility for his family, or giving them an allowance, or caring for only the brother...really, any configuration as long as he was choosing it himself.

The problem here isn't that he's taking care of his family, it's that he isn't making his own decisions.

Don't buy property with a man who hasn't learned how to say no or call his own shots in life.

Meanwhile, you also don't seem to see yourself as someone with agency: * "I know I will have to live with them"

Talk to your fiance: "I'm worried that the support you give your family is because they guilt you, not because you genuinely want to do all of this. I'm worried about what our shared life will look like if what they want trumps decisions you and I make."

But also, communicate with your actions by pausing home buying and marriage indefinitely. Words alone are extremely unlikely to register with him.

swilyi · 2026-02-24T05:51:28+00:00

I’m a little biased here but I am also an immigrant and I always avoid people in these type of dynamics. I feel like in African and South Asian immigrant households, when one of the brothers is successful and the others aren’t, the family will always use the successful brother, guilt trip him and blame the partner if he puts up boundaries.

His parents are in his sixties but if they’re healthy they can become the full time caregivers of the other brother. And if I understood this correctly he has more siblings who are working. They could all take turns with helping around and sending money.

My advice would be leave as soon as possible and do not move with them. They will make your life hell. If you’re not willing to do free labour for them they will criticise you non stop and create problems between you and your partner.

But once again, I’m biased here. I don’t even know where your partner is from.

AutoModerator · 2026-02-24T00:02:12+00:00

Title: My(29f) fiancé (34m) is sole provider for his family

Author bambibabycake

Full text: I love my fiancè & he’s such a caring & generous man & that’s what made me fall in love with him but his family depends on him because other family members don’t step up. His parents both don’t work as they’re a little older (60’s) & since they were immigrants they don’t receive any social security benefits even though they worked most their lives here in the USA

His brother (30) a few years got diagnosed with necrological condition & can’t work probably for the rest of his life & since my boyfriend was single at the time he took on the responsibility for returning. he takes care of all his appointments even though he’s a business owner & super busy all the time. His parents sometimes don’t even want to help him with driving the brother to college, they make my fiance do it despite them not working & my fiance paying the rent & bills

My boyfriend & I are in the process in buying a house together & I know I will have to live with them. This weekend we went to sign

up for life insurance & he put his mother as 100% beneficiary & his brother as next just in case his mother can’t claim the funds. the older lady looked over to me & said “don’t worry when you’re the Mrs it will be you

He responded with “my brother has a neurological problem” which made me feel like he will be his priority not me.

i’m scared he will be the priority & put him before me for the rest of his life. He has siblings that have older kids who are moving out already so idk why his family makes him

in charge of his parents & everyone else. i wish they would give him the freedom to start his life with me

TLDR: my financè is sole provider for his parents & brother who don’t work. i’m scared he will put them before me in marriage

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edu-ellie · 2026-02-24T18:39:25+00:00

I'm seeing a conflict between him promising marriage but not writing you in the life insurance and not including you in decision making (ie your phrase "I know I'll have to live with them" signals that he didn't ask you to do this; it's simply assumed). It sounds like he has you locked in without giving you co-pilot status, which isn't a good position. How long have you been dating? How long engaged? When is the house closing and the wedding?

Title	My(29f) fiancé (34m) is sole provider for his family
Author	bambibabycake
Upvotes	10
Comments	9
Date	February 24, 2026 12:02 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1rcyj02/my29f_fiancé_34m_is_sole_provider_for_his_family/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my29f-fiance-34m-is-sole-provider-for-his-family.1574120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1574120

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