Does anyone else feel like in social situations and settings, we are expected to provide something of value to be tolerated otherwise we are treated harshly and excluded due to being male?

Maintenance_Fearless · 2026-03-20T13:05:28+00:00

Story of my life, brother

World-Three · 2026-03-20T20:05:17+00:00

"Make yourself useful" is a term I've almost exclusively heard towards men and children.

So yes. Another issue is how expressing your interest in things seems to volunteer you for things. If you're good at deals everyone seems to task you with finding them, if you're good at computers they want you to troubleshoot for them, and fix the issue if you say what it is. You can carry things? You're now volunteered to do it.

In a world where "ladies first" is a term, men are overwhelmingly tasked to show their worth first. Protect first, pay first, try first, care first, act first, speak first, even come in first. But everyone pretends like men going first isn't a complete opportunity to be taken advantage of. Like a raffle gone wrong, it's men's job to fill the participant list in hopes a winner will be selected, getting crushed when a winner of said raffle is someone who never even bought or even thought of getting a ticket.

Better said, men basically pay into an insurance scam that denies their claim when it's time to borrow from it. Despite how men get scammed by society like this, they're still expected to keep pumping money into it with the confidence that it'll return even a fraction of what was invested.

They don't seem to understand that this is why men stopped contributing. They're standing in line with everyone else, they paid, but when it's time to get their food, they're told something went wrong and to get in the back of the line. Everyday men watch their entire lives pass them by waiting for basic human interaction while they watch their peers happily eat and occasionally look back at them being on line multiple times without actually getting anything.

Despite this understanding, the incel and Blackpill community are deemed the lowest forms of life for understanding this problem and not showing up to the lunchroom at all.

I probably extrapolated on your topic... Unfortunately, something as small as being expected to perform has larger consequences to how people ultimately conduct themselves. If great things are expected from men, not demonstrating his ability or utility is sometimes better than trying. Like someone who's expected to have a big dick not having sex so people don't find out, or someone who is assumed to be a great fighter not fighting because of the same, someone who appears strong leaving that aspect untested, someone who appears to have a lot of money but really doesn't, etc. Men who do not participate at life because they cannot meet the lofty expectations their peers have set for him. I'm not sure how many people that applies to, but when we set expectations for encounters like that, we eliminate good people through fear of failure.

OkSignificance4641 · 2026-03-20T23:43:29+00:00

Especially if your a man of color 😐

Doki_Doki_Doki · 2026-03-21T08:53:39+00:00

man, social scenes can feel like a stage sometimes. focus on finding spaces where you can be genuine without the pressure. authenticity attracts the right vibe, and you’ll connect with those who appreciate you for you.

AskTight7295 · 2026-03-22T23:24:44+00:00

Ah yes, the women who need to be entertained but not entertaining. Like they are holding court. You just have to ignore it. Go out if you want to go out, for yourself, and not to entertain others. Be as boring as you want to be, be nonchalant. This isn’t a fault, it‘s the ability to be self contained unless there is genuine reciprocity. Watch the circus, if that’s your sort of thing, all the people falling on their own swords. It can still be fun. With practice, you can “hold frame” even alone. Without needing anything from others, nor threatening them with odd vibes. You can even view it as a learning experience until you get good at it. Observe how you feel and learn to hold your own.

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