We’re (about to be were, in a months plus) married, for about 8 years in.

No kids, no joint posessions - only things we bought for each other.

We had good times (mostly), and bads. Never had a hard fight where we threw things to each other, screming names (or any to be honest), but somehow, things got harder to live with each other.

We’ve been working as freelancers for a while (after I got retrenched from a company somewhere at the end of Covid), and it wasn’t really great financially from time to time but never backdated any major bills or rent. But somewhere last year, it seemed something had struck her mind - she’s tired of us.

I have been with her from the time she was working freelancing to small companies to unemployment during Covid lockdowns (where we were most happy though I was the sole provider), up to where she rakes more than I do now at the moment.

And yes, I am struggling with my career at this point, though being a guy who had been worse, I know this just another bump.

But somehow is appears that she no longer wanted to be with me through the downs we’re having. She wanted more, and honest to God I have scoured everything I could to provide. Even trying to make her see that we could get by if we cut down some of the unnecessaries - where I met with some defensive rebuttal from her.

Yet some how, I felt like I should respect how she feels and what she wanted - a life where I, or a husband, should be the traditional sole provider, while she could be herself doing her things without worrying about paying rents (of which I have been doing so on my own since we stayed together a year plus before we were married), as well as other bills.

At the moment, I do not know exactly how or what to feel.

I know I am sad, but not that like frowning sad you’d get when you got fired from a job or lost a car or losing your money etc. But at the same time, I felt “willing”, like I somehow agree that if that’s how she feels then there’s nothing I can do even if I land on a good job sometime soon - because from her eyes and the tone of her voice, I am no longer there as a husband.

Question being right now, is it even worth to fight for it anymore? Or do I just wave a white flag and live on. We’re not yet 40 but almost there. There are just too many what ifs I am dealing with at the moment, and things are getting more and more pressing as we’re approaching the court date.

I love her, yes I do. But in a different perspective, I do not want to force her to stay if she sees me no more.