Hi ladies,

I'd love some advice on navigating differences around alcohol and weed in my LTR.

My boyfriend comes from a culture where drinking is very normal, while I barely drink (just socially), so it's been a bit of a culture shock for me. He'll usually have a few beers most days, if not every day.

With weed, he used to smoke daily when he was younger, and now it's more like a few times a week. He never does it in front of me, so I honestly thought he had almost completely cut it out. This weekend he told me that wasn't really the case.

I got pretty upset, not because I feel lied to exactly (although it did feel like a misrepresentation of the facts) but because I’m concerned about his health and the fact that he seems to use it to cope with stress. He has a lot on his plate (he owns a company and has family stuff going on), and he agrees it's not the best coping mechanism.

That said, he's a very dedicated partner, hard-working, family-oriented, and really committed to making me happy. He's told me he's already cut down on both drinking and smoking for my sake, and we are at the stage of talking about marriage.

It's also worth saying that this isn't affecting his work or day-to-day functioning in any obvious way in my view, the only thing I can point out is that he has bad memory sometimes.

I don't want to come across as controlling or create resentment by asking him to change, so I'm trying to figure out how to approach this in a healthy way. I have to admit, substance dependency is a deal-breaker for me but I don't know/think this is that so I am confused.

Any advice would really help. Thank you 🤍