tldr; Holidays brought up memories of the LTR I was with during the previous 2 holidays. Looking for advice to make it hurt less.

The holidays have me missing my last live in LTR. We had a really deep connection. Things ended well. She moved far away to a different climate due to health issues. I was strong sometimes (she flew back to me on her dime two weeks later to screw my brains out :D ) sometimes I lost frame :(

At my family dinner my cousin played her wedding video from last spring. My LTR and I were supposed to attend together. We broke up not long before. I was actually glad something came up that day with my children and I did not have to attend. Near the end of her video my LTR and my song came on. This little bitch was fighting back the tears for 2 minutes.

Finding TRP made me realize I have always had strong RP tendencies, but have/had some BP flaws too. Quick background about me:

  • Have a strong independent streak. Even in relationships I had boys nights out where I did not come home, long weekends with the guys without the GFs, and have put my goals ahead of the relationship multiple times with women by choosing to move out of state.

  • Had a bunch of live in relationships, and lesser relationships, flings etc.

  • Many people my age have kids in HS/college

  • Resisted marriage into my thirties ( did not want to get married I was really between a rock and a hard place. that is a story for another thread)

  • Averaging about 1 new partner per month since it ended, some FWB, some ONS (not bragging 1 per month is not slaying it.. just saying I am on my way to "fucking 10 women before I tell you how special she was")

  • started going on dates after she told me she was moving, but a few weeks before she moved out of the apt (she knew too hahaha)

  • We stopped talking in the fall, no contact anymore including social media. We have no mutual friends. She is from another place. The chances of us bumping into each other are about 0.

  • I have a sleep over date with FWB lined up for NYE :) She is cooking me dinner before we go out. I know she can't replace LTR though.

I try to remind myself:

  • Shortly after it ended one of the women caught my attention. For 6 weeks I pounded her silly and laughed every time we talked. I went smurf fucking blue on her though. There are other interesting women out there.

  • Things were really good with my live in. There were issues that made me question if I wanted LTR and times I lusted for someone else.

I started a 5x5 lifting program and play sports with a team I have been on for many years. I am looking for more ideas to stop thinking about my LTR.