Divorce became official on May 6. I kept the house, have 50/50 parenting time with my daughters, and just got confirmation that I'm only paying $600/month in child support because of the income difference. Spousal maintenance is $400/month for one year.

Honestly, I feel like I should be ecstatic and relieved because I came out of the divorce much better than many people do. I know I was fortunate, partly because of where I live and partly because I was very prepared going into mediation. But the finality of it all has left me feeling lost and confused.

I have two amazing daughters, a good career, and I'm in the best shape of my life (stress, diet, exercise and giving up alochol led to 55lbs of weight loss in 6 months during the divorce), yet I still feel empty. Even after the last two years of watching her detach due to greif/trauma, enduring verbal abuse, feeling like our marriage was rewritten, being cast as a villian socially and through the difficult legal process, I still miss her.

That's the part I can't make sense of. After everything that happened, I feel like I should hate her. Instead, I just feel sad.

Some days are better than others, but when the girls are with their mom and the house is quiet, it really hits me. Meanwhile, from the outside it seems like she's moved on seamlessly. She was with other men within weeks of wanting divorce, now she's dating, getting tattoos, planning vacations, and living her life.

I know appearances can be misleading, and I don't actually know how she's doing emotionally. I just know that I still feel stuck in my grief while it seems like she moved forward quickly.

For those of you who are further down this road: does this eventually stop hurting? What helped you?

I'm doing therapy, getting out with friends when I can, and travelling for work again which have all helped somewhat. I know it's completely over but keep looping back to the good times. Hell some days I'd even take the rough times over this. It just feels so empty right now.