This isn't a super serious mens rights issue, so sorry for that. So, I'm crazy depressed. It sucks because the way I've been approaching handling it has been pretty horrible. In my mind, I want to just post a status to facebook and explain 'Man, life is hard. I know there's no reason for me to feel bad, ok financially, I have pretty cool friends, I have a fair amount of recreation in my life, but I feel shitty, and that sucks.'

But I don't. I don't because I'm afraid of it's reception. Even though I am part of a group of people that are (in some ways) much more accepting of people and their life views, I know all my friends are normal 'manly men', which is strange considering they're gamers. Were I to express my emotions, I feel as though they'd be shunted off and disregarded. I'd be told to man up maybe once or twice, but the worst part would be the silent judgement. The group of friends I'm connected with are very tightly knit, and I know doing this would make me 'lose face' with them. I'd be viewed as a lesser person, because dudes don't get emotional.

Even when I consider contacting a good friend that's outside of the network of friends I hang out with, one who's been super open and supportive in the past, I still feel terrified to do it. I feel like I'm inflicting my emotions on her, as though I should be the one supporting her when she is feeling down. How fucked up is our culture that I feel that way about myself, and about her? Why is it so ingrained in my head that men are strong, silent, enduring types, and women are delicate, frail, and not to have real emotions shared with? I even consider seeing a psychologist, but I'm terrified I'd receive the same judgement from him or her, since it's so ingrained into how society operates.

I'm sorry for this rant, I know it's not really on point, but it just sucks that we are men are required to feel this way, to feel like we're only really men when we shut other people out from how we feel. That we're only really men when we deny our emotions and feelings. That we are not supposed to feel 'lesser things' like depression.

Fuck.