Help me start on the path again

I got side tracked. I used to follow the red pill, but I met a girl and I pussied out. I let myself fall off the wagon. She's different, I thought. Christian girl, I was her second boyfriend in her entire life, and so on. You know this story.

Well this morning she broke up with me. Why? Because I told her that it was unacceptable that she went out, without me and with her girlfriends, 3 times this week. Apparently I 'just don't want her to see her friends", am "trying to control her", and "don't trust her at all". This was a wakeup call for me. I was wrong. She's just like every other girl out there, and heaven fucking forbid I not want her to be out dressed like a slut and surrounded by horny guys THREE TIMES IN ONE WEEK. Not gonna lie, I'm pissed.

Where things stand with me personally:

I work as a graduate assistant at a major university branch. I'm working on a Masters in Business Administration and I'm the assistant coach of 2 sports, Men's/Women's Swimming and Men's/Women's Water Polo.
I was a competitive swimmer for 13 years, including college. I still swim about 2-3 times a week and life 3-4 times a week. 178lbs, not sure of body fat % because all I have is one of those pinching things and I don't think it's remotely accurate.
Socially, I'm not that great. My friends have moved to different cities, Chicago/Pittsburgh/Philly and so on, so I don't have any bros where I live currently.
I have ADHD. I'm not great at focus, but I take Adderall for it (prescription) so it's something I deal with and actually IMO a source of strength. I'm smart and when I get set on something I am incredibly driven.

So, where do I go from here? Some things in my life, like my workouts and future prospects, are in a great place. Other things, like my social life and my school grades, are not great right now. How do I start moving forward again towards being the man I know I can be?

[–]Josewasframed0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]PluggedInNeo[S] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Josewasframed2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

It's not a matter of length of time. It is not sufficient to say to ones self, "Oh I'll just do monk mode for 3 months." or to say "I'll do monk mode until the end of the semester.".

It's a matter of completion.

First, ask yourself what your goals are. Do you want to be strong? Good with women? Become a social butterfly? Improve your grades? Get a good job?

Once you know your goals, you must then ask yourself how can you achieve your goals. Most people know what they have to do to achieve their goals, but are too lazy or lack enough drive to put in the work to achieve their goals. Not you. That's why we do monk mode. So since you know your goals, find out what concrete steps you can put into practice to start obtaining your goals. Write them down or memorize the steps you'll need to take.

Now that you know your goals and steps to take to get those goals, you must start monk mode. That means every day from the moment you wake up, to the moment you fall asleep, you are putting in actual work and effort to achieve your goals. But even this is not enough. They call it monk mode because you must do as monks do. Monks focus solely on achieving their goals. They visualize a life where their goals are met. They practice daily the steps to achieve their goals and they make sure they are always progressing. They cut out all the extraneous bs from their lives that would impede them from progressing (in your case this could be anything from Netflix to fast food to laziness to drugs/alcohol to Tinder, etc. you get the point. All of that stuff, put it on hold forever or at least for the duration of monk mode). Have a bad habit or habitually do something that doesn't improve your life? Cut it out. Make every waking moment about improving your life.

So with all this mind, when should you end monk mode? Simple. When you know that you are ready. You'll know, because you know your goals. If you haven't achieved your goals, then you're not ready.

Monk mode lasts a month or two for some. For others, it could take a year or more. But always know that monk mode is not about time, but about you going from where you are in life right now, to the day you achieve your goal(s).

Feel free to ask any more questions, I'll try my best to answer them.

[–]PluggedInNeo[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Josewasframed0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, being better socially is not as easily measured like sports or money, but it is still possible to see what steps to take.

In this case, visualize yourself being really good socially. Take some time to meditate, close your eyes, no noise around, and really try to envision this. Imagine yourself at a bar/club/party/event/class/whatever and you're just killing it socially. You're making people laugh, high fives, girls are smiling and talking to you....etc etc etc. The whole nine yards.

Now when you see yourself in your mind as that guy, ask yourself how that version of you is different from the current version of you. What does that version of me have that I don't currently have? Is it humor? Is it conversational skills? Is it the energy? Is it the way I speak to women? Truly find the differences between that person in your mind and who you are currently. This will help you start to see which little areas of your social life you can work on.

For example, if you visualize your social king self and realize that a major difference is that you don't walk up to strangers and engage them in conversation, then start practicing just that. Go out and walk up to strangers and make small talk.

Another example, if you say "Well my humor sucks. I don't make people laugh". A good way to overcome this is to find out what your humor is like around those you're really comfortable with (whether that be friends old and new or family). Also watch standup or comedy central bits and see what you find funny. Absorb the way humor works and try to find it in every day life.

Or maybe you say "Well I'm social enough, but I get nervous around really hot women". Then you must learn to be comfortable around them. Start making an effort to talk to them (even if you get rejected, who cares, its monk mode after all so you are training) and also make an effort to take them off the pedestal. Realize they have to take nasty shits just like the rest of us.

Does that help?

[–]PluggedInNeo[S] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]RedAsBlood0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Help me start on the path again
Author	PluggedInNeo
Upvotes	4
Comments	7
Date	February 28, 2016 5:13 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/483zr8/help_me_start_on_the_path_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-me-start-on-the-path-again.161383 https://theredarchive.com/post/161383

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