Throw away account here. I'm done. I'm fucking broken. It took me ten years to realize why I was so adamant about men's rights. I finally figured it out. I'm 26 years old. I lost my virginity at 16. 16 may seem late to some people, but I wasn't really ready for sex yet. I knew I wasn't ready. Mentally or emotionally. My heart is racing just typing this, to admit it. I was dating a girl in high school. I was new there. We had the same friends. After a week The friends started to talk. "What, you two haven't had sex yet? What's keeping you?" I was ashamed. I was scared to have sex, and they knew. They must or they wouldn't taunt me. So we did. It lasted a minute. Then we had sex again. And again. And I was ashamed. Why wasn't this enjoyable? Is sex really so overrated? So I avoided her. And we broke up. And all my friends said the same thing. "You just used her for sex" they said. So they abandoned me. And I was alone again. I switched back to my old school. They asked why I left and I told them I had to go back. I didn't have a choice I said. But I was afraid to face them. And now, ten years later, I can trust no one. When are you getting married? Do you have a girlfriend yet? What happened to what's her name? She left. So did she. I don't open up. I don't communicate. I don't share. Why would I share? Men don't do that. We bottle it up. We hide it. I wasn't raped. It was consensual. I can't blame her or our "friends." I can only blame myself. I gave in to peer pressure. I knew, knew I wasn't ready, but I had sex anyway. Now I'm just the reliable one. The reliable uncle, who watches the kids. The reliable neighbors who will house sit. The reliable friend who will always give you a ride when you need it. But no one knows that I'm broken inside. That my step brother used to wave his penis at me just to make me react in disgust. It made him happy to see me cringe. No one knows that I was a virgin for so long, but not long enough. They just know that I don't talk about myself very much, but that I can be trusted. I had a dream that a woman loved me, and I loved her so much that I told her things I told no one else before. And I was so happy... Until I woke up. And she was gone. And I was Alone again. And so I'm done. My fate is sealed in my eyes. I won't kill myself. I have too many responsibilities for that. But I won't live anymore either. I'm just going to go on with life, day by day, meal by meal, until I die of old age. These may seem small things, but they built up. Over the years of hiding them. I can't talk about them. I still feel ashamed for not liking sex. Even though I did nothing wrong, I'm still ashamed. And I can talk to no one. I just had to get this off my chest.