My husband and I are coming up on 9 years of marriage and have had a rocky sex life. We were both virgins at our marriage (mine for religious reasons his for personal reasons), but sex seemed to be a constant issue. We both thought it would be glorious and regular and while it turned out awesome, it was really infrequent and laced with guilt and frustration. I will preface by saying I was sexually assaulted while my husband and I dated and I lied to myself for a long time due to the guilt and fear that he would leave me. It wasn't until we had been married at least two years that I finally came clean and told the true story to him. (I never actually voiced the word no - hell I couldn't say anything, though I was screaming it in my head.) All throughout our marriage we had sex 1x/week to once every 2 weeks and while he said he was satisfied with this, I wasn't. I knew I wanted more! But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And to be honest I still doent whole heartedly believe him, I think he was just trying to sooth my constant anxiety.

We recently had a daughter and during my pregnancy I was one of the unlucky few that my libido plummeted, in fact I couldn't stand to be touched. Not that it hurt, I just couldn't do it. And now 14 months later we are still only at once every 3 weeks at best. It is causing some major issues! I 'm not happy, he's not happy, it's just ridiculous! And even though I know all the tricks of the trade in terms of sexual therapy (I am a perinatal and maternal sexual therapist) I am way past the 'frustrated' point with seeing zero results. (Therapists make the worst patients!)

I recently stumbled upon /r/theredpill through /r/EMSK and found many of the posts obnoxious, crude, and (in my mind at the time) misogynistic. I couldn't believe that men were out touting that kind of drivel. But as a Psychotherapist, I could see some hints of an actual theory that piqued my interest. I began to scroll through the sidebar to learn more and I came across /r/redpillwomen; "could this be what I'm looking for?"

And It was! I was able to find information that didn't push me out, it accepted me, spoke to me, and folded me into itself. I was able to quickly have my questions answered about the theory and it answered the underlying questions of "wouldn't this make someone less of a woman?" "Wouldn't it devalue me into a submissive?" (taking this term from secular BDSM, not true BDSM) and "What about my independence?"

I have done a lot of reading, both here and some on /r/theredpill, and it has caused something to stir inside me (in more ways than one actually!) And I can't help but think that some of the underlying issues of forced male feminization and female gaming have taken over my marriage.

So I have made a bargain with myself: Just try it! I will be following as much of TRP theory as I can over the next 30 days (technically 29, I started yesterday) and will see what results I have at the end.

My first day was interesting, I found myself doing a wholly different level of self-analysis than is typical. Previously my self analysis was always directed at me; me, me, me! But yesterday it was about us. "How will this help us?" "What can I do for us?" And these questions were not generalized, they were specific; specific regarding the language I used while talking with my husband, specific on how to position my body during sex (THATS RIGHT! I freaking initiated sex for the first time since becoming pregnant last night!!!!) And I actually noticed a few differences in how my husband interacted with me. He was more dominant, actually gave me a few commands during sex (which I have always loved) and one of the last things he said to me at the end of the night was that we needed to go to bed earlier tonight and that he "might make me go to bed at 9:00." Couldn't believe that one! Now keep in mind he knows nothing about TRP or my plan. While I know it is not necessarily my place to make changes on one end without his knowledge, I know he would never glom onto something this out of our box without any 'proof'.

Beginning of Day 2 was a bit harder - I am not what you would call a girly girl, but I have gotten better since he and I married. I have grown my hair out, learned how to put on a basic layer of makeup (I still need a LOT of work in this are), and my wardrobe has become more professional and is working on adding feminine flair - but man when I was looking in the closet today to decide what to wear that he would appreciate, I had a hard time! I think it came out alright though, even got a few compliments from co-workers! On top of my personal routine was able to get dinner in the crock-pot (Carnitas) and a load of dishes done, as I know he hates doing them. I am also being more choosy with the words I use in texts, addressing him as husband (though he hasn't responded yet so we shall see on that one).

All in all I feel like I am getting off to a good footing based on what I have read and researched so far. I would love any input or critique you have, ideas or warnings. I hope to report back at maybe the halfway point and then again when the 30 days are over. Thank you all so much for the unknown help you have already given me!