I[24F]Broke up with my SO[26M] of 3 years. Here's what I'm going to do, i want more perspectives.

Katniss_Granger · 2015-04-10T23:29:45+00:00

I say work on yourself and forget about going back to him, which I know isn't the answer that you want but i feel like I'm talking from experience, although I'm younger than you so I hope I don't come across patronising.

I was in the same situation, broke up last year and given a nice long list of my flaws, after being an emotional wreck who couldn't leave the house I managed to get him back, I exhausted myself trying to improve only to be dumped a month ago, completely out the blue ( for me, obviously not for him) and honestly I was relieved. I'm still hurting, I still miss him and I still wonder how any man can ever compare but god it feels good to be free and to be me again rather than worrying about everything I might be doing wrong.

What I'm trying to get at is that you should think about whether it's worth exhausting yourself, every moment of every day for him. I'm not saying you shouldn't change, absolutely you should, we should never expect people to just take us as we are but there is a limit, there is a point where you're not just improving flaws, you're trying to be a different person when you could find someone who loves you.

I think he was too honest to have just been drawing notice to flaws, he was giving some reasons, no doubt amongst others, as to why he just isn't in to you. I suggest you improve yourself for you and eventually there'll be someone better.

I know that after 3 years you don't want to let it all go to waste, especially when you think of what could have been and when you think that you could have made it all okay but honestly, I think letting him go completely is the best way to go about this. Keep the happy memories you have with him, remember them as fond past times and don't let them be tainted by sadness and pain should things not work out a second time. Relationships end, it hurts, it's horrible but eventually it's for the best.

Still improve yourself absolutely but find the motivation in yourself rather than in him.

BoatingMishap · Fri Apr 10 20:06:17 2015 UTC

I'm Male, and I can only really give it from that perspective. Being in a LTR is about growth potential. It's much easier to do certain things. If I feel like my partner isn't growing, isn't trying to fix game ending faults, or is generally leaning on me too hard for no good circumstance, then I'm gone.

Always work on yourself, before trying to help others, even your lover. Physically, be the best you that you can be. So, going to the gym is a great idea. It'll boost your confidence too. Fix your teeth. Work on your career. Surprisingly, I've found that A LOT of TRP ideologies work with both genders. You can't ever go wrong with investing in yourself when it comes to your time.

The only way to stop stagnation in a LTR is to keep growing. If you two can't keep growing together, then fuck it, and grow apart.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-04-10T19:59:13+00:00

That I should stop being attached to him.

Ouch!

So your relationship hit the skids due to no effort ( and im guessing a load of other stuff youre omitting otherwise why does he think youre too attached to him?) so you broke up with him and youre going to work on yourself and come get him back?

Hopefully im wrong in guessing this but when he feels like this

That he feels apathetic sometimes and does not look forward to talking to me like before.

That I could try and be more sexy and dress better. That I should stop being attached to him. That may be we should communicate via email rather than phone. That he stayed in the relationship to not hurt me. That I have beautiful eyes but funny teeth. That I should be less verbal about things That I should read more.

unless you come back as Amber Heard I dont think you stand much of a chance. You killed your relationship and the price you pay is his loss of attraction and once a guy sees you in this light, IMO, its over he will already be thinking about someone whos not all the miserable things you were to him

Honestly i hope im wrong but your post seems a little overly attached girlfriend style

Say, I do follow all this. and go back to him after 3 months and sort of surprise him with all the things I made, I wonder if he'd be happy like before and feel connected to me.

youre doing all these things for the wrong reasons. Youre ticking boxes to get him back and i honestly dont think he wants that. TLDR that magic that a woman can work on a man is a one time oportunity. If you kill that magic the "off" switch gets flipped

SwtNSassy8309 · 2015-04-10T19:59:27+00:00

Thank you for posting this! It kind of brings clarity to my similar situation! :)

Enzuq · 2015-04-10T20:02:29+00:00

NO CONTACT for 3 months? cut him off from your life.

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-04-10T22:29:05+00:00

Look, he broke up with you. This might not be what you want to hear but you need to move on. The fact he was so HONEST with what he didn't like is respectable, as you can improve certain points on you to make yourself a better lady for the next man.

Do go to the gym, do develop hobbies, do work on your confidence, and do meditate. But do NOT attempt to get back with this man. If (and this is a HUGE if) he were to be interested, let him peruse you. He broke it off, he's done, he's over it, and he's moving on. You need to as well.

Sometimes relationships end and that is OK. It's sad, but it is ok. Be thankful for the good times ya'll had together, work on yourself, and live your life. You are 24 with still enough time to find another man.

Good luck, OP.

jade_cat · 2015-04-11T12:07:22+00:00

I doubt I can learn any person as much as I have learned about him over 6 years. Its too much. Building that kinda relationship is just way too much. I still love him very much.

You might want to read a bit about the sunk cost fallacy.

Title	I[24F]Broke up with my SO[26M] of 3 years. Here's what I'm going to do, i want more perspectives.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	April 10, 2015 6:40 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/325d1o/i24fbroke_up_with_my_so26m_of_3_years_heres_what/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i24fbroke-up-with-my-so26m-of-3-years-heres-what.166188 https://theredarchive.com/post/166188

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