Scared of hurting future SOs because of mental health issues

[deleted] · 2016-01-18T00:40:11+00:00

this is a mental health issue, not an RPW issue. if you cant control your feelings and reactions, you can tbe a good fit for a man. seek mental health not dating advice

[deleted] · 2016-01-17T23:50:27+00:00

You are definitely thinking too far ahead in terms of immediate planning, but it is very responsible to look at current complications/problems and see how we can mitigate their effects in our future.

Now, I'm not a doctor or a qualified anything on any of that. So I'm not going to offer any advice on that.

First thing is first, definitely explain what it is to any future SO before an attack happens. If one happens, and you haven't explained that to him, then you are not committed enough to put it on him yet -- tell him you're having some personal issues, he shouldn't be worried, but you'll be out of touch for a few days (radio silent would be very rude, you're an adult and can explain it plainly without opening a can of worms). Just leave him out of it entirely until you've given him the opportunity to think about what he would like his role in that to be.

Perhaps it's over his head, it very well may be. It wouldn't be wrong for someone to say that's not something they can manage. It's okay and you can both part ways with a handshake. There are many great men that will absolutely step up to the plate in one way another to support you; if you make yourself into a great woman, you'll have no problem finding one.

Focus on improving it as much as you can without killing yourself, it is what it is, girl. We all get different hands dealt. So don't worry about anything you can't change. Then just focus on engaging the rest of you. If that 10% of the time is it, you can still be 90% amazing and that would more than pencil out. You'll be a catch, darling.

arewar · 2016-01-18T00:21:23+00:00

I don't have much advice for you here, but I thought I would pipe in and say that I think it's great you're thinking this far ahead.

I've had issues since I was 14-ish, and I didn't really grasp or understand my own issues until nearly my mid-20s. And it's impacted my life quite a lot. I have (and still have) a time trying to separate what is and is not normal for my own mind.

Obviously 'communication' is the best advice you'll get out here (or anywhere really). But it's easier said than done, of course. Finding a balance between dumping everything out and keeping things self-contained is difficult. Finding tools that mitigate and control the issues seems like a never-ending battle (a tool that worked yesterday may not work today).

Maybe I sound like a downer, but my point is that acknowledging these problems and already looking into treatment means you're way ahead of the curve. Keep on with your treatment, find things that work for you, find tools and methods to help with your episodes and anger, etc. Basically keep doing what you're doing.

KittFurlong · 2016-01-18T09:31:40+00:00

Saw your post and I can empathize.

All thought wingnut is right, that is not fully RPW related issue. Id be glad to step in and give a reply, because I can relate closely to your situation!

I've suffered anxiety from very early age and it was only a year ago I asked for medical help (thus, generally cause I had no idea what it was for many years). I've been on medication for a while now and it really changed my persona into some thing very positive. I've gone from quiet, shy and fearsome, to an out goin, happy and approaching young woman. So stay strong, the results are great in the end! :)

I happen to have a Captain in my life and we have known each others since late 2014. His been seeing how I developed through my anxiety and been supportive. As of recent, his the reason why I last week FINALLY got a diagnosis on an on goin mental health issue and turned out to be Bipolar II.

My best advice, from all my personal experience, is to be honest when you meet a guy. Let him in on these things, that is what I did with my current SO. If you have found your Captain, he will be there to support you and will be there, as long you are being honest, communicate with him and show motivation to work on your mental health. So don't be over come with the hamster, take a breath and remember where you want to go with the future.

I wish you all the best :)

[deleted] · 2016-01-18T17:55:44+00:00

Get a healthy diet and an exercise routine. Make sure you build a life of value to yourself and to a prospective partner.

[deleted] · 2016-01-18T21:50:48+00:00

Hey, I have similar issues (depression/anxiety). But I don't have the rage episodes you do. Sounds like you need to deal with that as a priority. Mental health issues that are under control are totally compatible with a relationship, but only if they are really under control.

[deleted] · 2016-01-19T09:21:33+00:00

I had/have the same problem. Whenever I got one of my "episodes" I'd start crying from anger and feel like my boyfriend doesn't care about me which resulted in me snapping at him. It was terrible.

My therapist at the time advised me the following - once you feel the anger starting, let your SO know (talk to him about it before. Explain to him that when the anger takes over you, there is no place for logic or empathy in your head) and take a break. Do not talk to him, because you will only say things you regret. Go to the gym/swimming/on a run/if you have a dog, take your dog on a long walk. Listen to music you like that makes you happy.

Once you feel better, have a little talk with yourself and remind yourself how much you love your SO. You can write little notes to yourself whenever you are feeling thankful and loving, like "today I told SO how worried I was about my test. He left everything he was doing and helped me study. I love him so much, it was so nice of him".

Personally, I found that improving my life and health in general minimized those anger episodes. Also, if you are using any hormonal birth control - stop. It improved my condition by at least 50%. Lifting weights and eating more protein/fat also made me calmer and happier in general. A little OT, but there is a great article on lifting and beauty/mental health that talks about this a little:

"Have you ever been moody because of hunger, pain, the flu, cramps, fatigue, etc? That stuff affects our disposition and saps our willpower. Having a body that functions well inside and out will go a very long way to affecting your disposition positively. It’s easy to be “on” all the time when your physical fitness is helping keep you calm, confident and full of energy/willpower."

Good luck. There is hope, so don't be scared. :)

Title	Scared of hurting future SOs because of mental health issues
Author	sleparaly
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	January 17, 2016 10:55 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/41fxni/scared_of_hurting_future_sos_because_of_mental/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/scared-of-hurting-future-sos-because-of-mental.166652 https://theredarchive.com/post/166652

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