How can you tell a genuinely abusive relationship from people over-reacting?

PinkTulipz · 2016-09-22T06:09:43+00:00

I came in expecting another type of story, but everything in what you described does honestly appear strange and unhealthy at best. It reads as if he wants (and almost encourages) you to be completely dependent on him for even basic needs (shelter, food, companionship). I did not read anything that indicated a healthy or complementary partnership... if you came here to present a case in his defense, it is not very good.

A few questions:

Do you feel that he respects you when you speak to him? What are your conversations usually like? What is the dynamic?
Have you ever had anyone in your life (aside from your parents) who has respected you in a loving way, enough for you to compare it to this relationship? - I feel this is important. You are very young, and it's possible you don't have a frame of reference as to what that is supposed to feel like.
What is it that you like about him? You don't mention any positive traits he has in your post.

Also, even though we are here to help through the internet, we are only seeing the picture you've painted for us. And it's already not too pretty. If people on both sides of the family (his as well? that's extra concerning), who obviously know both of you better than any of us ever will, believe this is an abusive relationship - their word weighs more than ours.

PiperZepp · Thu Sep 22 6:41:22 2016 UTC

I hope you didn't post this here because you think you and your fiancé have a RPW relationship. I don't know if it's abusive, but it is definitely a very strange dynamic you have going on. I'd say this is more like a full time sub/Dom alternative lifestyle kind of thing, at best. Like people who agree to sleep in cages and wear dog leashes. It's very strange but I don't know if it's abusive... Anyway, whatever yalls deal is it's not "traditional gender roles" or Red pill woman.

MaoMaoDumpling · Thu Sep 22 5:43:12 2016 UTC

I think the simplest way is to ask yourself, "does he respect me? Does he respect thoughts and beliefs?"

One way to tell is how he communicates with you, when you express some sort of concern, does he take the time and effort to address them? This means you both become involved to create a solution that pleases both of you, not just him. Does he stop persisting and respect your choices when you say No? If he doesn't, or he gets angry/passive aggressive, or he says he does but goes back on it, then he doesn't respect your boundaries.

From what you tell me, he seems to want you to be very dependent on him and isolated from others in a way that doesn't seem healthy at all. You can try to justify it by saying you're content with your situation and there's no reason to be alarmed, but I think you already know, deep down, that something isn't right and he isn't good for you.

Title	How can you tell a genuinely abusive relationship from people over-reacting?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	12
Date	September 22, 2016 5:24 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/53xioe/how_can_you_tell_a_genuinely_abusive_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-you-tell-a-genuinely-abusive-relationship.166942 https://theredarchive.com/post/166942

Comments