Is it a bad idea to tell LTR that you don't see yourself in a marriage anytime soon?

[deleted] · 2016-07-26T13:54:47+00:00

My two cents: Bringing it up out of the blue, when she's given no indication of having a desire, makes it seem like you are the one that was having thoughts, and are trying to regain personal power, so you vocalized it. These things should only be brought up by her, then swatted down by you.

FrameWalker · 2016-07-26T13:46:05+00:00

No it's a good idea because you filter out girls who are fishing for a ring. It's a bad idea to wait to tell a girl that you're not getting married until you're already in an LTR.

When I first meet a girl I tell her I am not into relationships. I then demonstrate it by being unavailable, confrontational, aloof, and uninvested. I am the anti-boyfriend. Over time if she demonstrates good qualities and she invests, I have more and more sleepovers and we start making food together and going on adventures. About once a month and at every opportunity I remind her I'm not getting married.

The result is that girls who want an LTR desperately leave quickly. The girls who want you in whatever way you're available stick around. The girls who are planning to get married soon also leave - and when you tell whoever is left that you're not getting married or that you want a threesome there's no pouty face.

RedAsBlood · 2016-07-26T14:45:19+00:00

I wouldn't bring it up out of the blue. No point in making issues where there are none.

However, if you life goals are incompatible with hers, I don't see the relationship lasting a long time.

I would say you fucked up. You opened a can of worms that didn't need to be opened.

NPR_is_not_that_bad · 2016-07-26T13:37:45+00:00

As a guy fairly new to TRP mindset, but with a similar situation to you, here is my two cents:

Her butthurtness is fresh. Give it some time and she will be okay. 25 is not the same as 35, and she shouldn't hold your statement against you as tons of successful 20-somethings do not have children

Bravo to you for being open with her and asserting your feelings. By not bowing down to her wishes, you have the control and this may even make you more desirable to her.

If she truly cannot handle your not wanting of a family soon, then I think it is time for you to move on. Your worst move would be to start a family before you are ready. Once you cross that bridge, you don't go back.

I think you are in a great spot. Stay strong mate and remember to pursue life the way you want to! No one can make a decision for you

BowlOfCandy · 2016-07-26T14:32:10+00:00

There are two sides to this coin: yours and hers.

Yours is important because you need to be fulfilled with yourself and you character. This means you are honest with yourself, you speak with conviction, and you assert yourself to your satisfaction. You are responsible for conducting yourself in a true manner.

Women don't listen to your words, they listen to their feelings. And her feelings are not static, unlike like your words and your intentions. She is hurt now (temporarily) because your words flew right in the face of her fantasy - the one that was manifested as an extension of her evolutionary programming. So she will now shift, but not in the manner you predict. She will not listen to your words and adjust her feelings, she will adjust her feelings to redefine your words. It's not that you don't want to get married, it's that you don't realize you want to get married - and it's her duty to change your mind. You see, she has it all figured out, and now she plans to convince you too. She will react in the opposite manner that you are predicting.

So my advice is stay true to yourself and carry yourself with conviction. She is responsible for her own behavior and interpretation of reality. Maintain frame.

Title	Is it a bad idea to tell LTR that you don't see yourself in a marriage anytime soon?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	July 26, 2016 1:13 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4uojlg/is_it_a_bad_idea_to_tell_ltr_that_you_dont_see/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-it-a-bad-idea-to-tell-ltr-that-you-dont-see.172801 https://theredarchive.com/post/172801

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