Crippling Oneitis

Bonghunter · 2014-07-07T08:44:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Bonghunter · 2014-07-07T14:27:07+00:00

I still suffer from "oneitis," but its not your typical "oneitis," but rather that I'm pair bonded to one person still. It basically has the same result as "oneitis" though, and it sucks. This is going to be long winded, so prepare. I'll also preface this by saying, you better have dated this girl, because I don't understand getting oneitis for someone you haven't dated, and I'd even say haven't dated for over a year. Makes no sense to me.

Dated a girl 8-9/10 for 4 years in college. We were literally inseparable, and not because of me but because of her. I literally thought I was going to propose to this girl after she graduated. Oneitis has to do with looks, realize that, but its not exclusively that. I've banged hotter girls than this girl, and didn't get "oneitis" after we broke up.

12 weeks ago, maybe a little less, she out of the blue breaks up with me and tells me she "doesn't love me anymore," and that "she doesn't want to get married," after calling me all the time the previous weeks, telling me she "loved me the way I was" when I said I should start hitting the gym hard again. All bull shit. She refuses to talk to me or see me, or tell me what went wrong. After telling me she was going to do this and that, mutual friends tell me she just decided to up and leave the country. This was after I bought tickets for vacation and shit that we had been talking about 2 weeks before. 3 weeks before she wanted me to go to her parents house with her.

This shit literally made no sense to me. It drives me insane. And the fact that she just literally peaced and refuses to look back, as if I was some big mistake. 4 years of living together, its infuriating. She left at the most optimal time for her, and if it had been 3 months earlier, she would have came crying back because of all the stresses in her life. Instead, she was opportunistic about the whole thing; "as soon as I graduate college and don't need the moral/intellectual support, I'm out. "

I'm never not going to feel this pain. 3 weeks later she's hooking up with some loser.

The anger is what gets me every day. I still think about her everyday, and I probably will for a very long time. The pain I feel about the whole thing will never go away.

So what have I learned/done?

Things I've learned:

The pain has nothing to do with the other person, but the image. I know this, because even though she's hooking up with some loser and I want it to be me, I've been way more successful in the dating market than she has. I've realized how high value I am, because I can pull girls pretty easily. Got some plates spinning right now.
The anger won't go away. You'll have to harness it. I started lifting like crazy. If you aren't, do it. I'm 6 foot, was 145 at the breakup, now I"m 165 just 12 weeks later. Girls love it. One of my plates and I get naked and go outside and her roommates all flock to my blanket and talk with me all day while we drink. Try to be better better better, so that if you ever see your ex, she regrets it big time. It will help, and its a good motivator. But it shouldn't be the only motivator. Start doing it for you.
Career. Girls love careers. I'm very successful, and was at the time of the breakup. Now, I must be insatiable. Started my own business, got my government certifications, and I'm ready to start working on my first million. I want to be on Forbes. What else is there?
You wont' stop thinking about them. Let it come, and feel the pain. It will make you stronger. Its like I said, let the anger help you do other things.
This oneitis will make you do illogical things. Accept it, try and make it not happen. If by radio silence you mean not talking to her, I suggest you delete everything you ever knew about her. Phone number, whatever. This girl I LIVED with for 4+ years broke up with me 12 weeks ago, and I don't even have her number/whatsapp all that bull shit. Let that sink in. I lived with someone for longer than most marriages, and I don't even have her basic contact information anymore. If I wanted to contact her, I wouldn't even know where to start. Its hilariously sick that its come to this, but it has.
Limit the amount of choices you have no power over. In the future, you need to be the buyer. I turned into the seller. I don't know how that happened, because I've never been that way, but that's the power of women. Turn alpha's into betas. You'll have to rebound back quickly. You need to live a better life than her/your future girl, which isn't hard really. In our generation, the only "fun" girls have is when they're getting male attention mixed with some drugs/alcohol, and the only "fun" guys have is when they're fucking girls mixed with some drugs/alcohol. That's the truth, so you have to either get on board or find something else that you find fun.
Recently, I've been a strong proponent of DREAD. Never stop dreading. Story to follow.

I never thought those words would come out of my mouth, but for a while I was remembering something from our relationship about 2 1/2 years ago. So my ex basically did the same thing, left without any real reason.

Anyways, she comes crawling back about 3-4 weeks later.

I suspect she was banging some other guy during that time. She lied to me and told me she wasn't, and mutual friends said she wasn't either. I should have nexted her then, but honestly I was spinning 3 plates at that time after 2 weeks myself and was casually dating at the same time, so her banging one low life dude I guess didn't really bother me enough so I 'believed' her that she wasn't. When she asked me, since she had heard about my plates, one of them being my ex before her, I lied my ass off too. I didn't initiate the breakup, so fuck her I'm not telling her the truth. She's the one who started all this bull shit, because plate spinning isn't rewarding ot me at all, not even to this day. Its something I HAVE to do.

Anyways, some other months go by, and I'm still kind of casually dating this other girl, but keeping it strictly platonic. I guess this girl didn't see it that way. I never really told the ex, just that I was "going to see a friend at the bar." Notice how I made sure she knew it was at a bar, and never specified friend. This seemed to make her really jealous and shit like that. One night, me and this girl make it back to my place, we smoke, and she gets really fucked up and has to lay down. So I get her in my bed, tuck her in, then walk out.

5 minutes later, my girlfriend walks into the house, deer in headlights in her eyes. I act like nothings wrong, like everything is normal. She tries to go into my room and I tell her don't go in there, my friend is in there sleeping. Even though she seemed pretty pissed off, I just shrugged it off and told her nothing happened she just needed a place to crash. I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me, but god damn I feel like our relationship was the strongest at that moment than any other time.

I should have fucked that girl though, she was hot and I could have been the branch swinger instead of the other way around...

colombia40 · 2014-07-07T16:33:21+00:00

Have other meaningful passions in your life.

This webiste has been my go-to when I've fallen into Oneitis.

Guys who have other passions besides their girlfriends are naturally more immune to Oneitis because they are ego-invested into other things in life besides a single over-rated vagina.

Guys who have no game are naturally more susceptible to Oneitis because they engage in super desperate behavior to save the one vagina they have access to; propagating their own Oneitises post-break up.

http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2011/03/5-mindsets-that-start-oneitis/

http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2011/03/cant-get-over-oneitis/

Doomsday_ · 2014-07-07T16:45:22+00:00

Follow poon commandment number 3:

You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority

Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.

Put your time and energy into pursuing your mission, and maintain no contact with the woman.

lalicat · 2014-07-07T18:04:35+00:00

I suffered from this once. It was awful. You know what I did that really helped me move on?

Get rid of all the pictures or anything that reminds you of her. I wasn't over the first girl for almost a decade after we split. I got rid of the pictures but kept the porn ... Then one day I got rid of the porn and suddenly I knew I had moved on as soon as I formatted that trusty old thumb drive full of the same porn I'd been jerking to for 10 years.

Now I miss the porn, not the girl. That was some awesome ass porn that was lost to the ages :( ...

IamAwaken · 2014-07-07T08:40:15+00:00

It's a battle in the mind of the image you hold of this other person. Honestly it can be like killing a part of yourself. A good reference is killing the boy inside. I forget the rest.

theoriginaluser50 · 2014-07-07T10:56:25+00:00

Take the "pain" and turn it into a positive. In short, every time you think of her, go lift or do something to better yourself. Let it be your fuel and everything else will start to take shape.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-07-07T15:10:32+00:00

Have sex with at least 3 other girls who are hotter than your oneitis then reevaluate.

Alternatively, have sex with at least ANY 10 random girls who are not as objectively good as your disease, then reevaluate.

2014-07-07T08:37:04+00:00

Spin plates, thats about it really

PBRistasty · 2014-07-07T11:50:31+00:00

For whatever reason or reasons, the relationship didnt work out. Why didnt it? what if anything would you have changed at the personal interaction level if you could? What if any were red flags that, if seen early enough, could you have used as guideposts to modify the interaction, thus bettering the relationship?

One of the thing you need to accept is that it doesnt work out the way one would hope all the time, in relationships or life. By taking an objective look at the whole of the experiance, you gain insights as to how to better things the next time around.

TVTestPattern · 2014-07-07T18:13:51+00:00

Feel ya...

It's that you are concentrating on this experience as a negative... it's not just that. If you remain averse to bad experiences you'll miss out on at least half of what you could have learned.

Does it feel bad?

Of course.

Ever met someone who has never suffered? Shallow and unrealistic.

Be grateful for this experience... it's how this works.

Men are forged in the crucible of adversity.

Be that man.

SkorchZang · 2014-07-07T19:59:53+00:00

Being happy it happened instead of pissed that it's all over, that helps a lot.

Genuine happiness and gratitude towards her heals the anger and pain slowly. But don't get any delusions of grandeur from it - you should still stick to zero contact, especially when you start thinking "I'm a changed man now, so over her and I can handle it". Don't pick at the scab, let it heal. It itches, but you forget about it anyway.

It's very probable that she'll start reaching out to you in time in various ways, so be prepared to be cocky/funny yet curtly decline her attempts to weasel back into your life.

Science_isthenewcool · 2014-07-08T00:00:40+00:00

Simple, fuck other chicks. That's it.

Bonghunter · 2014-07-07T08:25:29+00:00

I get you, and sometimes it'll never subside completely. I cut off contact with a girl I had an insanely bad case of onitis for back in 2009. Every once in a while I still think of her. Fortunately when I do it's no longer the idealized version I created in my mind and I'm no longer bitter or resentful about all the shit that happened.

Shit like this takes time, keep working on yourself and eventually your memories of her won't be loaded down with emotional baggage.

MasonJarTeaDrinker · 2014-07-10T20:14:42+00:00

What was the reason for the breakup?

IamAwaken · 2014-07-07T09:18:43+00:00

There's lots of ways to go about this. The best has been said to spin plates, but you don't sound like you've actually had a girlfriend before or had sex. So that makes that harder. You should make sure you've read everything on the sidebar it really helps. It's to the right.

Anyway, you need to lift weights and find hobbies that are productive. That means not video gaming, but a sport ideally. There' also crafting and shit. Whatever you want the most do it or figure it out.

The previous stuff is easy. The main thing that is hard is actually getting friendly with girls more often in general. Actually not friendly. Try to make girls get mad at you. If you want pick a few you're indifferent to so that you can mess up terribly and not care as much. Anyway try to push their buttons and get them arguing with you. Make sure you pick girls that you are okay with.

Title	Crippling Oneitis
Author	Bonghunter
Upvotes	15
Comments	35
Date	July 7, 2014 8:00 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2a17ae/crippling_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/crippling-oneitis.17634 https://theredarchive.com/post/17634

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