[21M] Did this girl lead me on, or was I seeing with tunnel vision, is it possible to avoid this?

mallardcove · 2017-06-14T15:50:00+00:00

She said "There are a lot of good looking people in this world." When I said "you're among them", it didn't go down well, and a short awkward silence ensued, which I broke and we got back to talking.

Failed shit test. Pretty big fail at that. Should have said "Yeah, I get told I am good looking about 41 times a day" or something like that. Instead you entered her frame by validating her.

A bit later, she put her leg on my chair for a bit and starting playing with her hair, which I construed as a flirtatious move, but wasn't sure if I had misjudged that that, so I didn't escalate and touch her leg. Was that a mistake?

I didn't have the balls to try and hold her hand, or kiss her at the end of the night, or walk her home. Was that a mistake?

You're a pussy. Plain and simple. You have no outcome independence at all.

"Hey. Sorry I was so shy last night. I enjoyed the time we spent together. Let's do it again sometime."

Jesus man. Never apologize to a woman. Never admit to a woman you fucked up. If you do something, own that shit. Even if it was bad. The worst thing you can do with a woman is get on your knees and apologize and ask for forgiveness. It shows you are weak and unsure of your actions, and therefore, not confident. Weakness exemplified.

"I enjoyed it too. But I think it's necessary to tell you I have a boyfriend back home. I'm not assuming anything, but I feel like you should know that."

Translation: I gave you a shot, and was open for something, but you were a weak beta and to let you down easy, I am going to say I have a boyfriend. Even if she has a boyfriend or not it doesn't matter. This one is over.

But why didn't she make that clear before?

Because she was open to being interested and gave you a chance. You blew it with ultra beta, weak, non confident behavior.

BusterVadge · 2017-06-14T15:50:55+00:00

You did everything wrong. You should have flirted with her right after you hit it off. Once you establish chemistry in a cold approach, immediately set the state for what your expectations are. Polarizing EARLY is essential. It saves you from wasting your time.

I didn't have the balls to try and hold her hand, or kiss her at the end of the night, or walk her home. Was that a mistake?

It was a mistake among many others. Sure, you would have crashed and burned because you ruined any change you may have had right away... But who cares? At that point you had nothing to lose.

"Hey. Sorry I was so shy last night. I enjoyed the time we spent together. Let's do it again sometime."

Another mistake. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. Even when you do something wrong, don't say sorry, words mean nothing and actions are everything.

"I enjoyed it too. But I think it's necessary to tell you I have a boyfriend back home. I'm not assuming anything, but I feel like you should know that."

Translation - I may or may not have a boyfriend, but I'm not going to fuck you. I would still like you to buy me dinner and be my emotional punching bag though.

Hopefully this helps you wake up. Either you are very new at this, or you're not taking your responsibilities as a man seriously.

1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v · 2017-06-14T16:11:36+00:00

Please accept my (all) comments as constructive criticism.

But why didn't she make that clear before?

Because she liked you, and was probably willing to just fuck you, no strings attached.

But now its too late. She picked up in the vibe that you are a nice guy, a shy guy, and probably must be "in a relationship" with someone before you even touch them. You proved that when you didn't even touch her on the first date.

She, on the other hand was clearly looking to just hook up.

Don't feel bad. Her comment:

"There are a lot of good looking people in this world."

was meant for you...silly.

I didn't escalate and touch her leg. Was that a mistake?

Did you want to touch her leg? If so, then yes, it was a mistake.

she didn't seem particularly flirtatious.

Its the mans job to flirt and get physical, not the girls. She made herself available to you and for you. You needed to do the rest.

1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v · 2017-06-14T16:27:03+00:00

I don't want to waste my time like this again.

Next time:

As soon as you see her give her a hug. Not a handshake. A hug is more personal, more physical, and sets the tone for more physical escalation later. Plus...no one ever turns down a hug.

The goal is to ask her about her. And to listen to her answers and to try and get more information about that topic. Find something interesting she is holding, wearing, or doing, and ask her to tell you about it. Ask her about her hobbies, or what she does for fun. Not like an interview, more like you are really interested.

The goal is to get to her dreams, goals, and accomplishments. From here you can maybe make an emotional connection with her and find out:

Who she is.

Why she does the things she does.

She is also going to be just as nervous...so don't be afraid to bring that up. Tell her you are a little nervous, ask her if she is too? This might lead to some common bonding, and joking about first dates. The goal is to get comfortable with each other, so you can find out if you have more in common.

You also want to physically escalate from the start. Simple, innocent touching is easy and accepted, and expected if you are to take things to the next level.

So when you sit with her, you sit next to her in a booth. You touch her foot with yours. When talking, you touch her arm with you hand, you touch her leg. All of this is simple, innocent, and non-sexual, but required if you expect to kiss her (or more).

You will also need to verbally escalate a bit, otherwise known as flirting. Some type of teasing, simple, playful back and forth, is all that is required. If you can tease her, and get her to smile, it’s a great opportunity to tell her "you like her smile..."

As with everything, always maintain good solid eye contact when talking to her. Try to give her all your attention and turn the phone off.

Title	[21M] Did this girl lead me on, or was I seeing with tunnel vision, is it possible to avoid this?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	1
Comments	12
Date	June 14, 2017 3:33 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6h88pz/21m_did_this_girl_lead_me_on_or_was_i_seeing_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/21m-did-this-girl-lead-me-on-or-was-i-seeing-with.180600 https://theredarchive.com/post/180600

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