I grew up in a small suburb in a big city and went to a small grade school and high school where everyone knew everyone, their families, and everything about everyone there. In high school, I had a decent amount of friends, but when we went off to college, and we all parted. The friends that I kept go to my college or live in my city. Because none of my friends were popular or had had a girlfriend, we never knew how to talk to women, nor had any women friends. (However, two of my friends had dated girls, but they dated below average girls (i.e., I don't think they've ever been hit on before or add any value to my friends, [in fact probably the oposite]), which you could date by using the standard advice of "be yourself".)

Mind you, I don't want to say I was a loser, but I was. I wore really old clothes that didn't really fit me well, I cut my own hair (hey, I was trying to save money and be stylish, but it didn't work like that), I was skinny fat, and I was definitely social awkward. Pretty much all my friends were like this too.

So, my first year of college, I ran into a girl from my town at a party — She was hooking up with a guy in front of everyone, and then they went into one of the rooms, and I figure they had sex or something, but IDK. Anyway, I ran into that girl again 6 months later. I talked to her and asked her for her number (that was actually a big triumph for me and my pals [because they had told me what to say on Facebook], we thought we were 'cool'). Later that week, she invited me to party at her place, and she tried to make out with me, but I'd never done that before, so I chickened out and coped out... Anyway, She asked me on a date, and I said sure.

To make the story short, we dated for like two months. It was a very needy-relationship type of relationship. I would text her ALL day. We definitely sent over 100+ texts a day to each other about the stupidest shit ever. And, we'd only hang out once a week or like every 10 days. And, she was my first kiss.

When we did go out, she would expect me to pay — she would just give me the look, and she never offered to pay. And it was expensive, well for a broke student like me, paying $60-$100 a date. She would plan everything, and decide every detail of the date, and I would pretty much just be there. She would only talk about herself and her shit. She'd get weirded out when I would try to touch her... I'm not sure if this was a shit test or not, but she would also always talk about this one friends she had from high school that also went to our college. The guy was studying abroad that year, but she would romanticize him, and always bring him up. (FYI, the guy is handsome, very VERY VERY rich, and dresses really well.) I didn't really mind that because one of her friends and she had told me that they thought he was probably gay, and I was just happy that she was with me. Anyway, when the guy got back in town, she hung out with him, and dumped me two days later.

But, she told me she wasn't interested in the guy like that when she broke up with me... Maybe she wasn't interested in him; maybe she wants to date him/fuck him, but the guy doesn't want to; I don't know, and I don't think it matter now. But she did start dating another guy and made it Facebook official 3 weeks later after we broke up, fyi, we were never Facebook official.

Anyway, when she broke up with me, I literally begged her to not leave me and take me back. I was really heartbroken.

luckily, I found /r/theredpill and /r/seduction, which lead me to finding /r/fitness and /r/malefashionadvice.

I became smarter - I started reading a lot of books about a lot of shit, and I brought my GPA up, and I follow a lot of interesting stuff. I am fit — I have a tight gym regimen that I always follow and I eat healthier. I got work done on my skin and teeth. And I dress like a baller — expensive clothes that fits me well. And, I have become more dominant — in every group event/project, I usually am the leader at the head of the table, and people do what I tell them to do. and, I trying to get a high power job as a college student too, and I am already really involved on campus.

Since then, I have gone on a lot of dates, and I have actually attracted girls that are HOT, smart, have great personalities, and THEY go out of their way to please me — I never would think I would be able to do that.

However, It's been a long time since I got dumped by Girl1 and I have seen her since she broke up with me and the last time I begged her to take me back at her house. Today, however, I was walking down the streets of our hometown as I headed home, I saw her approaching on the sidewalk. I don't know if she saw me or just pretended not to see me, but I got really nervous and my heart sped up, and I knew I wasn't going to talk to her unless she talked to me... But she just walked past me. I don't know why I still have feeling for her... I'm not stupid... I've been with better... WHY?...HOW do I stop? FYI, I am currently casually seeing someone.