Tips for overcoming extreme oneitis?

Sword777 · 2015-07-05T17:29:33+00:00

'Or, not. One bullet and I check out out of a bullshit rigged game. ' Read some MGTOW stuff man, tons of guys have been here before.

Im no expert and deal with oneitis myself but you absolutely must be your own hope. Why would a girl like the current you?

NEARLY EVERY GUY who comes to red pill knowledge was used by a girl to different extents, you got to sack up, it will be hard, lonely and a long road but it is the only option. You can pm me if you need more.

alreadyredschool · 2015-07-05T17:51:20+00:00

I did everything you could do. Saved her child from abduction even. Etc. Means literally nothing to her.

Brittfaults law, past achievement doesn't entitle you to a future reward.

Part of the issue is I define my happiness to include a beautiful, horny woman first and foremost.

You build you happiness on sand.

Loose the weight, hit the gym, train your social skills, that stuff.

About your oneitis:

It has more to do with the one that got away than with oneitis, you have to move on. It is the male equivalent of the alpha widow.

I think I can explain it with the dead grandpa dilemma: A boy is born and never gets to know his grandpa because he died. The boy wishes to have what most other boys have, a grandfather, some even have two! How it that fair!

Another buy spends much time with his grandpa, then he dies, the boy is incredibly sad. Then his other grandpa builds him up again, they get a connection and guess what, he dies too. In the end the boy wished to never have had a grandpa, some boys were so lucky never to have had one, how is that fair!

Now what is so horribly sad about loosing someone? I think it is the fact that as long he lived there were near infinite possibilities of what you could do, and they all vanish when he dies. Every single one stings. But time goes on and you cope with it. You accept that it will never happen and it will sting less.

When you get alpha widowed those possibilities are still there, unless you truly accept that she will never come back and may as well be dead, you will never finish the coping process. That small ignorant portion of hope that you keep having is what prevents you from accepting that she is gone.

You may thing that if you end up with a more attractive woman, who is more into you, who treats you better and is a better long-term prospect than your ex this would help you get over her. But you have to deal with it alone, resolve it, then get a new one. Don't try to tell yourself that a new one will solve everything. It is your responsibility right now, don't load it onto another person.

Hope my thoughts are comprehensible.

ToshiroOzuwara · 2015-07-05T23:58:12+00:00

I'm half thinking to spend the next 3+ years worshipping at the temple of the Iron God

Don't half think. Think.

I did everything you could do. Saved her child from abduction even. Etc. Means literally nothing to her.

You were her beta bitch. And yes, it means nothing to her. You should probably read No More Mr. Nice Guy. No one appreciates shit and no owes you shit if you do something to their benefit.

Get over that attitude.

My SMV is very low (I'm moving back in with my mother to afford school, 31, very obese (360 lb. On a 6'4" frame),

If by low, you mean absolute zero, then yes, it is low. You are a huge fat guy.

I am contemplating serious things right now.

LOL. Contemplating ...

Your life sucks, your health sucks, your situation sucks, you are lonely, you are a chronic underachiever.

What do you have to lose by improving your life? Are you waiting for our permission?

So at some point I may have meant more than her child.

You're delusional.

xinhoj · 2015-07-06T00:01:30+00:00

I'm half thinking to spend the next 3+ years worshipping at the temple of the Iron God, and getting my education complete (I can get a 100k.year sallary when finished).

You already know what you need to do. It won't be easy, but you'll be better for it.

machimus · 2015-07-06T00:15:25+00:00

I was raised to be Beta and to be a white knight.

Fuck, sometimes I wonder if I'm autistic.

Both examples of how you blame things you can't control so you don't have to take responsibility and actually better yourself. You need to cut this shit out ASAP.

adsnell2004 · 2015-07-06T04:39:43+00:00

OP, I think I can empathize to your situation. It seems that your are going through a lot of confusion and having some mixed results with different events in your life. There seems to be a lot going on at once.

I want to be very honest with you right now and I wish that you take it constructively. I am on mobile so I have some barriers here, but I have time.

There are a few examples of wishful thinking in your post. "Thinking about working out and school.", "Getting a job that pays 100k." You seem to be on the right path but both of these require actions which brings me to my 2nd point.

You should turn these wishful thoughts into positive actions. At this weight despite being over 6 foot it would be wise to cut down significantly. Exercise will help with health and depression if that is something you are dealing with as well.

Work on yourself before you go on to anyone else, OP. You are risking being stuck on the next girl as well.

Most harsh point; Your resentments. It seems as if you have resentments with your mother and previous ex's or maybe even yourself. The comment about suicide took me by surprise. Claimimg that this is a rigged game makes me beleive you are not as accountable for your actions as you should be. You placed blame on your parents and the system instead of acknowledging as an adult you are fully responsible for your actions.

This is truth sauce here man.

I would work on yourself before you commit emotionally with anyone else. Please do go to the gym and acknowledge that change is going to take a lot of time. Good things take time. Quit blaming others for things that have happened to you. There is a time in our life that if it is someone elses fault no one gives a fuck and yoy just have to move on. Suicide is never a good option. I suggest speaking with a trained therapist if you suffer from this. Talking really helps out.

Over time i feel you will start to see changes. Maybe not in real time but slowly you will. And those obsessive oneitis thoughts will slowly go away as a new, transformed version of yourself towers the person who you once were.

Time. Dedication. Sobriety. Talking.

Those all helped me.

Martelll · 2015-07-07T13:39:46+00:00

What you need to develop is Dark Triad traits. I'll tell you a short story about a similar situation as yours (everyone's story is pretty much the same) I met an innocent girl in 2009' She was 21 at the time, I was about two years older. I was a local celebrity due to music. I brought her out to a couple of shows and we dated for 3 years. I had alpha status but by the end I let myself go and was broke constantly. She got fed up and left. She became a bottle service club whore and made all the wrong friends. Rode the CC and probably still riding it. I also thought about taking the bullet route. I was determined to get her back, so I started lifting and lost about 50 pounds in about 4 months through intermittent fasting and heavy lifting. I was railing pussy and she showed interest in me again but when we went out I could barely fucking move. I fixed myself but when someone hurts you like that, fear of abandonment and all sorts of psychological shit starts fucking with you. She invited me over her house and came out of the shower in a towel and I didn't do squat because I was literally afraid. I was never like that. I am the type to be very aggressive in my approach and along with my humor was a lethal combination for women. Not the case for her. I was a ghost. A shell of what I used to be. She sensed it and went her own way. This was like 2 years ago I think. I've had women since then but after about 2 months they bounce because they sense that my mind is with my ex. A fucking curse. When you fall in love like that once and the guilt , shame, and regret swallows you, its hard to come back, no matter how many TRP articles you read man. I've been battling alcohol abuse for years now , and am finally trying to get help to quit altogether. See, I had to find out that was the problem all along. It prohibited me from staying in shape, it destroyed my finances, and it stopped me from becoming the best person I can be. Now I'm past 30 and starting all over again but hey man that's life. There are good days and there are bad days. Losing weight and making money is not hard, its the other personal demons that eat you alive in the end. Find and kill it before it kills you. As for your girl, I suggest no contact, two reasons.... First it'll be better for you not knowing what she is doing, it'll just hurt you and upset you. Second it'll spin her hamster and wonder what you are doing, it'll give you time to focus on yourself. The higher your SMV the more options you'll have and more options equal less emotional investment into one woman. Best of luck .

Title	Tips for overcoming extreme oneitis?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	19
Date	July 5, 2015 2:54 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3c7768/tips_for_overcoming_extreme_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/tips-for-overcoming-extreme-oneitis.189853 https://theredarchive.com/post/189853

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