Should you hangout in friend groups where you are the alpha or beta?

TheDamnedEngineer · Wed Jun 17 12:31:17 2015 UTC

Well, you really sound like someone I know.

It's okay to be the beta in an alpha group, as you probably noticed you can learn a lot from them but at least have the self respect to no longer be the butt of their jokes.

And also take one of those side groups and turn it into the main one. That will make you feel like an alpha for a longer period of time which will make wonders for your self esteem.

So keep spending some time with the "alphas" to learn from them but invest more in your other groups where you can practice your leadership skills. Like I wrote, take one of them as your main and become the alpha you want to be. You seriously don't want to be a beta on most of your time.

Ibex3D · 2015-06-17T16:47:38+00:00

I prefer friend groups where there really isn't a hierarchy. We all just do whatever the fuck we feel and let a vote decide when issues are split.

I do have groups of friends with "Alphas" and I hate it. When I'm relaxing with friends I don't like the social hierarchy bullshit and because of that I usually get into arguments with "alpha" types. I play the alpha-beta game in normal life. If I'm going to call people my friends I expect there to be mutual respect and not have one person designated as the leader.

Johnny10toes · 2015-06-17T12:50:50+00:00

What are the context of these groups? Are you the alpha Magic player? The beta rock climber?

You need to increase your value. If the group where you're the top dog decreases your value you need to eject. I'm reminded of a quote from Groucho Marx I think that goes something like this, "any group that wants me as a member is a group that I don't want to be part of." I think I read it in The Gervais Principal but I'm not sure. I'm on mobile so I can't easily find it for you but the author explained it like this. If a group wants you to join then you're in higher status than the group. If you want to join then the group is higher than you. And he talks about the different groups. For instance the band group is lower than the jocks but which group out ranks the other when it's the nerds or the bushers? You should look this up and read it, he explains this way better than I do.

Ask yourself which group adds value to you and which takes away value. If they both add value then great, your place in them doesn't matter much. If they both take away value from you then drop both. If one adds and the other takes stay in the one that adds and drop the other.

After this you can start thinking about your place in the group. Now if you're the alpha in this group then there's not much I can tell you. You decide the direction. You can come and go as you please. You assign the second and third rank as you wish.

The group where you're beta you don't aim for the top spot. People will recognize this easily and balk. Aim for 2. Befriend 1 because once you have his approval then you have the rest of the groups approval as well. Then if you time it right you can slide in to 1 or if he removed himself from the group you're 1 by default.

Title	Should you hangout in friend groups where you are the alpha or beta?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	4
Date	June 17, 2015 12:08 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3a5kuj/should_you_hangout_in_friend_groups_where_you_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/should-you-hangout-in-friend-groups-where-you-are.190103 https://theredarchive.com/post/190103

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