SMV increase limbo

beerthroway · 2015-01-03T00:19:21+00:00

Dude. Same story here.

Living with parents at 25. Moved back in after college at 23 to save money for a year, got a year through and started a business with the money I had saved so I'm sort of back to square one on the money front. I have about 3 figures in my bank amount and no steady paycheck right now. On top of that I'm living 45 minutes away from the nearest town that is no more than 10k people and 90 min away from a 30k person town, one way. So any time I want to be social I must commit at least 1.5 hours out of my day to just say hi.

Also that makes bringing anyone over logistically difficult, as well as awkward as fuck.

So what have I done? Read, lift, work, and play music. Those are my four daily goals. DAILY. I play 2 instruments professionally so when I say music I mean I'm practicing for at least an hour daily.

Monk mode isn't about being unsocial. It's about giving up the things in life that give you pleasure that in turn leads to complacency. If you're constantly bettering yourself, there is no need to go monk mode to give up those little pleasures/vices that can help in a small way occasionally. Variety is the spice of life, but nobody likes a meal that has too much spice. Use variety sparingly, life a spice. THAT'S what monk mode is about. It's purposefully unsustainable so you can experience what self improvement brings.

I don't exactly have advice because you're right, living as a man dependent upon someone is somewhat lowering of your value. But here's some things that I've noticed help raise my value and make me feel more comfortable in social settings:

Don't dwell on things you can't change.

Seriously, it's easy to think about the negative things that are holding you back because you want to explore them to see if there is a weak point you can press. You won't find it. Accept your circumstance of where you live and how much money you (don't) have. Don't let it eat at you because it will (I got addicted to LoL because I let it get to me and I was looking for an escape).

Don't be desperate around people.

Desperate in the sense of trying to make something out of nothing. If they aren't responding to your social advances, pull back confidently. Sometimes you'll get them to reinitiate contact by doing this, other times you have just saved yourself from wasting too much time.

Always be looking for a different angle on improving yourself.

Since I have so far to go for meeting new people, I use the prior around me to experiment socially. They give me a little more leeway since they know me, but I can tell if something I did was negative, neutral, or positive. This is a little unconventional by TRP standards since I'm not opening 5 different people daily, but I'm making the most of what I have. I noticed recently that I was weak on body language. I read I Can Read You Like A Book and that helped a ton. There may be better body language books out there but my point is that I found a weak spot and tried to improve it, even though I'm reading body language on about 6 different people for most of the week, I notice when I go out it's much easier to read people and for me to control my own body language. I'm only using body language as an example of a way to improve your value in the situation of having little money and social opportunity. Find your own weaknesses and think of different ways to address them. Meditation can help with this and if you don't meditate, there's something for you to start.

For women: be creative with the logistics.

I've had a really hard time here also because I can't bring anyone home. I don't have much advice here either, just that the only times I've had success was when they took me to their place. There's always the option of renting a hotel room but that can be costly for guys in our scenario. Maybe smashing in the backseat of your car? Tell her it's like high school all over. Tell her you're the captain of the football team and she's the head cheerleader, role play and have fun with it. Which leads me to a final point.

Have fun.

Dear God learn to have fun. Smile. Just the act of smiling will make you happier. TRP can be great because you learn to push so hard, but being driven can be unfun to children and women, and both of those want FUUUUN. That was an eye opener for me to realize that women are like children, and I know that kids don't give a shit about my work or anything else "adult-like". They want to have fun. Women are the same. You may be sexy and seductive, but the intensity that this monk mode lifestyle brings is often not light enough for women to handle. If you try to make light of the burden, you'll notice the burden will become lighter. Laugh and shrug things off.

I know it's frustrating man. I'm partially writing this to myself as a reflection but hopefully some of these points are useful. Perhaps read through the stages of grief/trauma. You might be at different stages for each area you're trying to grow in. Try to move towards acceptance because it's at that point that you have the most control and power over the issue.

Since we have similar situations, if you'd like to keep bouncing ideas of each other, we may be able to figure out something useful.

fnordsnord · 2015-01-02T19:10:51+00:00

To be clear: you have chosen Monk Mode out of necessity? If so, you have the option to play low-impact game.

Find something cheap/free to do that involves being around women and practice your game. Have fun, but do not have the expectation of anything past a name-close. It will help keep your game sharp and give you a social outlet. I bet you're also dealing with some loneliness.

disorderly · 2015-01-03T01:05:56+00:00

Do your parents work during the day? If so maybe you can arrange to bring her over then. It's worked for me.

It's tempting to get comfortable living at home but don't let it happen. Wake up early and get dressed. Put in work like you would regularly because you'll have to work your way out of the house.

Don't be ashamed by it. As the economic situation worsens it will become more and more common. Besides, it's better to make sacrifices and live below your means than take on debt and put up a front.

I know most of you guys already know this but I'm just putting it out there for anyone who might be reading this and still living at home.

Title	SMV increase limbo
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	10
Date	January 2, 2015 6:19 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2r4cwc/smv_increase_limbo/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/smv-increase-limbo.192694 https://theredarchive.com/post/192694

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