Hey everyone.

I have been here for a while now and have taken in so much over the past half a year or so and following your advice...but I can't help but feel a sense of what I can only describe as "Uuuuurgh" when ever I'm around women in a situation where in the past where I would have placed them so high on a pedestal.

Im a student at University, so my eyes have been opened in the sense of me realising that probably 90% of the women here are on the carousel, and between things like them throwing around shit tests, gaining life force off validation from FB and Instagram ect, and just getting everything given to them on a platter simply for having a vagina, I literally just can't be bothered.

Don't get me wrong. I understand completely that right now my SMV is stupidly low, as Im 21 year old poor student working behind a bar. I don't have any talents or skills that I can show off (Yet), and I'm naturally a pretty slim guy. However I have been spending my time hitting the gym, reading the recommended books and looking to make contacts with people who I can begin networking with. People have noticed some change in the way I look and portray myself, so that makes me feel good in that regard, but its nothing to the point of shouting to the hills about at the moment.

But going back to my original point, I just feel as if its not worth the effort anymore. I was crazy blue in the past. Typical nice guy raised by a single mother blah blah, and despite my female friendzoning zoning friends telling me how perfect I was and that I'm such a catch, I was just ignored by women in "that" way my whole life. So after finding and swallowing the red pill, as much as my personal outlook has changed, things with women haven't , which makes sense because its still early days and I'm still working on bettering myself...but why is it that I'm now so at peace with this to the extent that I'm kind of glad that women are still taking no notice of me?

Its kind of concerning to me to be honest. Ill be real with you all, I have only kissed a girl, and that was only due to a game of truth or dare so even that kiss doesn't count in my eyes. So for someone of my age who has done nothing more than hug a girl, surely I should be a raging ball of hormones wanting to stick my dick in anything that moves as I was in the past? I don't even feel the urge to masturbate anymore (Not sure if thats a good or bad thing), but ultimately this all has an effect on how I feel about women. I used to have crazy urges, masturbating several times a day, the desire for sex and intimacy that I was missing out on...and now when I see a girl that my old self would go super blue pill on, I just think "Eh. Ok" and forget about their existence pretty much 3 seconds later. Its like all my cravings for sexual related things have just crashed, leaving me with the feeling of "I not missing what I have never had"

To give a quick example, usually girls come to the bar and try to get free drinks/shots by of course flirting with me. I will admit, I gave in a few times in the past and risked my job to give them away to these girls. But these days I just don't give a fuck and tell them straight no in the same manner as if they were guys, mainly cause I know that as soon as I step outside my job, they wouldn't even give me the time of day. And even with my female friends and work colleagues. I'm an orbiter to them, which is my own doing, always being an emotional tampon and shit, but now I don't even entertain it anymore cause it just so pointless.

So, should I be worried that I feel this way? Or should I just roll with it? Especially seeing that in hindsight I suppose this is a good thing. I'm not phased whatsoever over women dangling their pussy at me just out of my reach anymore. I feel like I'm stepping into potential MGTOW territory.

TL;DR: Was super blue pill. No experience with women. Low SMV. Took the red pill and now working on building myself. Women might as well not exist in my world right now. Sexual drive is super low too and its a bit concerning. However the power of pussy now has no effect on me and I feel as if its a blessing in disguise.