Confused and in need of "outside" advice

Pushnikov · 2013-12-12T20:24:06+00:00

I agree with brody, but going to start my own line of thought.

1 A friend "does do this", but they get put in their place when they try and reach for sex and the girl denies it - then they curl into a little ball and "play nice".

2 You really shouldn't "shit where you eat" - i.e. don't fuck where you work. So, really, you should drop this anyways.

3 She treated you like this because if it's a work event, then she probably doesn't want to broadcast that you are trying to be together.

YOU : But then why did she insist I keep going???

A : My best guess is she didn't want to feel lame going alone. But, you never made any other arrangements, like, "want me to pick you up?" or so on. So, just having you there on her terms was enough to satisfy her ego.

YOU : But, that's irrational and dumb and totally not cool and not very friendly!

A : Yes, well, women aren't rational about this shit. I wish it wasn't this way, I didn't make their brains function like this. She got what she THOUGHT she wanted (which wasn't what she really wanted). I'm not sure what she really wanted, but it's clear that she wasn't going to get it from you anymore.

You handled it well. Ignoring her and focusing on yourself is total A game. not leaving right away as long as she saw you enjoying yourself is A game. So, you did alright. Leaving without saying goodbye, A game. Even though you did it with an ounce of anger in you, which shouldn't have gotten there, it's still a solid action even if your mind wasn't quite where it needed to be.

Where do you go from here?

Drop your issue and any interest in her. Pretend it never happened, focus on yourself, focus on finding girls to date and 'spin' and have fun with that aren't here. If you want to be "friends" with her, never ever let her think that you are going to do what she wants just because it is 'her'. Don't go out of your way to bother with her anymore than any other friend. And if you do feel obliged to do so - then you call her out on it right then and there before you do it so she knows the way it is. "Ya, except you can't do that bullshit you did to me the last time I did you a favor." - her: " What do you mean?" you: "That christmas party. I don't let my friends treat me like that. You were totally weird -you barely talked to me. Do you always treat your friends like that?" her : apology.

Make sure she understands you have no interest in her anymore, or ever again.

Don't let it seem like anything bothered you about the night and raise her interest. At all. ZERO. Zip. The whole scenario of letting it seem like it bothered you is going to seem lame and weak to a woman. Why? Women don't care about how you feel. They really don't care how their friends feel (despite all the girl talk nonsense). In girl talk what they CARE about isn't how the friend feels, but that they DON'T FEEL IT ANYMORE so that it doesn't get the whole group mentality down. And they learned along the way it's better to pretend to be caring than to actually lose a friend or cause more drama. What they're afraid is totally from their selfish frame. And they'll deny it to the end.

As a man, you want to "solve" this problem. You want to adjust and tweak the social interaction so that it doesn't happen again or so you know what happened. Women don't care. For a woman to care, she has to be so totally and completely in your frame of mind that she will follow you along a path she would never emotionally put herself through. Let's just say this isn't the case here.

I know it's not satisfying, but you give too much of a fuck. I'm not saying this because I think you're wrong to feel this way, but because you've already spent too much emotional and mentally energy IN HER FRAME of mind that it is unhealthy. You need to be in your frame of mind. That's the best thing to learn from TRP.

gg_s · 2013-12-12T20:08:55+00:00

Your frame is weak.

Tonight you're eating at your favorite restaurant. Imagine yourself getting dressed. Imagine yourself arriving, greeting the staff, and being seated. Imagine your conversation with the server. Imagine the taste of your food and the warm hospitality. Imagine the satisfied feeling as you head to the car.

Your expression, from the clothes you wear to the words you speak, is centered on one objective: to eat. This is called frame. You go to the restaurant expecting to eat, and you're not satisfied until you eat. You sit at a table with a fork and knife. You tell the server what food to bring you. You don't go to watch TV or make friends with the waitstaff; your purpose is to eat. Frame directs your expression to fulfill your needs.

You need strong frame to succeed with a woman. She can't read your mind. She certainly won't lead you to sex. You have to lead her to sex. She wants you to lead her to sex. She doesn't want to pull you in, she wants to be pulled in. Your frame must be to have sex with this woman. Your expression, from the clothes you wear to the words you speak, must lead you to sex with this woman. If it doesn't your frame isn't strong and you won't succeed.

Spend a month or two in the main sub. You've got a ways to go still. You won't turn this girl in time but it's never too late to prepare for the next one. (Good riddance, she's a coworker. Don't shit where you eat.)

DO NOT become friends with this female for the sake of friendship. Elliott Hulse explains why in his video Men and Women are NOT "Friends". You are attracted to this girl and you don't know how to proceed. She's not pushing things along they way you would like and it's causing anger and confusion on your end. Helpful 7:00 minute video, check it out.

2013-12-12T18:04:12+00:00

Going to the party cast you in her frame. You could have bargained for your attendance, perhaps with a request that she'd be your date at the party. As it is, you gave her what she wanted unconditionally and lowered your SMV in the process.

My advice: elevate or bail.

[deleted] · Thu Dec 12 18:54:37 2013 UTC

[permanently deleted]

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2013-12-13T00:38:23+00:00

Don't talk to her until she redeems herself. Not one word.

work-the-balls · 2013-12-13T14:45:47+00:00

You over committed to the fantasy you played out in your mind. This is a mistake. You need to see more women.

You feel like your starving. Women want to be considered a delicacy, like a course at a fine French restaurant. You leave those places about as hungry as you went in. Don't expect a woman to fill you.

Simply put, women want you to be better than them at life and life is fun. She is disappointed you stopped being fun.

[deleted] · 2013-12-14T04:11:39+00:00

Here's the simple answer, you are friend zoned, you aren't fucking her hard and how she wants it, and has placed you on a backburner for emotional maintenance when she's not enjoying herself with other guys. There's the tiny chance that i'm wrong there, but this sounds like a Time Hoe situation. I'll let patrice explain:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9QOQNcpuiA

Title	Confused and in need of "outside" advice
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	13
Date	December 12, 2013 5:56 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1sqbon/confused_and_in_need_of_outside_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/confused-and-in-need-of-outside-advice.196170 https://theredarchive.com/post/196170

Comments

1 A friend "does do this", but they get put in their place when they try and reach for sex and the girl denies it - then they curl into a little ball and "play nice".

2 You really shouldn't "shit where you eat" - i.e. don't fuck where you work. So, really, you should drop this anyways.

3 She treated you like this because if it's a work event, then she probably doesn't want to broadcast that you are trying to be together.