On paying for dates...

acoti · 2013-10-21T11:37:16+00:00

Next time she brings up the dinner or going out, say, "OK, so where do you want to take us?"

"Oh, how about we go to madhatters?"

"Sure, but it's your treat."

If she resists, just mention that she's the one who wanted to do this. If she complies, then you've gotten one step closer to re-framing the relationship.

puaSenator · 2013-10-21T07:59:47+00:00

The important part is that you aren't paying because you feel like you need to do it to add value. It doesn't matter if you pay for the whole bill, half the bill, or none at all. What does matter is the intentions behind it. If you are paying the bill in hopes of impressing her with your selflessness, you are falling -- subtly -- into a "nice guy" persona.

From a personal aspect I can tell you that one of the girls I see at least pays half. Other times, she pays for all of it. Now, to most guys who have a girl pay for the whole date, it's because she's wearing the pants in the relationship. But in my case, it's because she's trying to add value.

2013-10-20T18:00:24+00:00

Ask her to pay. If she refuses then next her. Its pretty simple.

anotherbluemarlin · 2013-10-21T02:33:04+00:00

Don't ask her when the checks comes, call her or text her something saying that your her guest that night or something.

semigod__ · 2013-10-21T22:20:42+00:00

option a) say you are busy

option b) cook yourself, make her bring the wine. or vice versa.

Rollo-Tomassi · 2013-10-23T20:54:08+00:00

Free Lunch: http://therationalmale.com/2012/01/25/free-lunch/

RedBigMan · 2013-10-23T21:39:56+00:00

Ideally, go ahead and let her pay if she wants to.

My rule of thumb is if you didn't get pussy the last time you paid then either she pays or you do something that doesn't require much if any monetary investment.

[deleted] · 2013-10-24T11:22:21+00:00

If I wanted to do it, I'll pay. If she wants to do it, she pays. Simple. I don't like dates with FWB / FB type situations, for obvious reasons. With a GF, you want to frame it right.

She hates Pho, I want to take her to Pho, I'll pay. She wants us to go to this restaraunt because it's cute and I'm meh about it, I will say "You're treating right :)"

Simple and effective. Do it with a smile, in a sort of teasing way. Never make it seem like you are stingy, that is unattractive, as a man of plenty wouldn't worry about a $5 here or there.

drrtyfrrnr · 2013-10-20T18:27:36+00:00

I'm not really understanding. You guys have been going out for six months and she hasn't offered to pay? Most likely she's offered but you haven't accepted, right? And what's with this sentence... "we've been dating for 6 months which is apparently a pretty big deal for her so she wants to go out." -- does that mean she wants to take you out? Then let her.

I personally think the girl should pay sometimes. If there's a huge income differential then the guy should pay more often because a girl WILL write you off and be resentful if you're earning 5x what she earns and you still make her pay half all the time. You should definitely not set up the "guy pays everything all the time" frame in the beginning. (Easy for me to say, I just went out on a 2nd date with a girl 7 years younger than me and paid for everything)

[deleted] · 2013-10-21T03:17:41+00:00

At this point you guys should be even. You pay for one, she pays for one, and it should just naturally even out over the course of time. Just say "hey can we start splitting the bill/ treating each other alternatively?" There's no magical way to ask. If she says no then reconsider it. Simple.

JoJackthewonderskunk · 2013-10-21T03:27:26+00:00

Get her to pay as often as possible. When she starts investing in you as opposed to the other way around you will be in much better shape. Beta move would be paying for everything yourself. The more she invests in both of your happiness as a couple the more willing she will be to continue seeing you and less likely to go for others.

Title	On paying for dates...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	20
Date	October 20, 2013 5:56 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1ouh15/on_paying_for_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/on-paying-for-dates.196385 https://theredarchive.com/post/196385

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