How would you handle this shit test?

JimmyTheIntern · 2013-08-04T20:42:07+00:00

I have a female friend whose roommate I fucking HATE. Hate that bitch. I had plans to hang out with my friend one evening, and she texts me earlier in the day saying "Hey, a few of us are going out tonight to celebrate Bitch's pointless accomplishment. Do you want to come?" While struggling to find the best way to say "fuck that shit" without sounding pissed off or whiny, I realized that what I really wanted was spend time with my friend. She was going to be doing something I wasn't too keen on, thus I would either have to go with the flow or not get to do what I wanted to do.

So I said "Sure" and went out with them. The whole time, I consciously maintained alpha posture and body language (attracting the attention of random hotties, which was noticed and pointed out by everyone in our group) and kino'd my friend and the bitch for no other reason than facilitating my own good time. Friend ended up kissing me on the drive back to her place.

What is the point of my story? Do what you want to do, even if it wasn't necessarily what you planned to do. That doesn't mean caving to unreasonable demands or last minute plan alterations, but it does often mean compromising slightly from your ideal situation. If you really wanted to see this girl you should have accepted that to do that, you would have to be out as a group with her friends. Not the end of the world. Considering she just got back into the country, probably not even a shit test. She was trying to make room for you in the inevitable deluge of friend time that comes with such a return.

Don't be so inflexible that it stops you from getting what you want.

TRPsubmitter · 2013-08-04T18:09:41+00:00

I also agree that you handled this shit test well by not replying or showing up once you were in that situation (obviously your own mistake was allowing her to get you in that situation in the first place). Remember: she didn't text you first to inform you this...she waited until you were on your way there already and only then did she let you know her friends were there. That's disrespect. If you never texted her, she never would have told you that. Fuck, she never would have even bothered to see if you were coming!

Girls often do this because they are flaky and don't want to be in a situation where they are forced to make a decision on their own. Also, girls always drop it on you at the LAST minute that they want to bring a friend. Why do they do this? Because they are stuck in the college-age-hookup-mode where they fuck guys in dorm rooms or "drop by" to meet "this guy" from anytime between 8 to 11 pm. No commitments to anything or anyone. No respect for appointments or promises.

How to prevent this? You have to prevent it early so you don't get in this terrible situation where you have actually left your house already. I usually just send a text earlier that day confirming place/time. "hey so hope you're ready for our dart game tonight at 8!". If she doesn't respond, you know also not to show up.

MahlerNinth · 2013-08-04T20:43:48+00:00

You handled it well.No need to jump through hoops at her command like that.

It's not a lose/lose situation, she just isn't worth wasting time on.

HumanSockPuppet · 2013-08-04T22:10:51+00:00

About 30 mins after i get off the phone I get the following text "do you mind if we join my friends at x place tonight?". I tell her to go ahead and catch up with her friends, and I'd see her tomorrow instead.

This was the right move. You don't want to be in a situation where you're the odd man out and she has abundant reasons to ignore you.

She then proposes we just meet up afterwards, a couple hours after the initial time, and I agree.

She re-directs because she realizes you're wise to her "plan". A good sign.

As I'm approaching I text her to meet me in a specific location. She replies that she's still with her friends and tells me to join her there. I didn't want to do this and I just didn't reply or show up, and did some other things I had to do in there anyway.

Being silent wasn't a bad move, but it wasn't the best. If I were you, I'd have said:

"Nah. See ya."

That would have gotten her hamster spinning right away. "What does he mean by "see ya"? Is he leaving for good? Did I push him too much? If you'd handled your attraction correctly up until that point, she'd have reached out and tried to get a hold of you again, and she would think twice about changing plans at the last minute.

You need to get into the habit of punishing women for trying to get you to alter your plans. You need to be the one controlling the schedule. You need to sell the idea that your time is more important than hers.

footballtrav89 · 2013-08-04T19:01:38+00:00

Maybe it is just me, but i would have said yes to meeting the friends. My thinking is that if you don't show up and end up nexting her anyways, why would it hurt? At the worst her friends are lame and she shows no interest in you. My view on this may be skewed because i am a big people person and love meeting new people....

Xanthiuum · 2013-08-04T13:12:53+00:00

I agree with you that you handled the last part well, by not showing up. but..

There are two things that come to my mind, first off, she just arrived back in the country and she wants to meet up with her friends which is fine.

The second thing is that you called this meeting a 'date'. Did she know this it was an official date? If not, you haven't made it clear enough. If she did know she stood you up and you can either next her or make her apologize.

Some people with TRP mindset won't give a girl another chance and next her right away, that's your choice.

She needs to get her priorities straight. You've spend time and effort and she's given nothing in return so far.

AlwaysLateToThreads · 2013-08-05T01:22:40+00:00

Stay cool. Don't show anger but don't be a bitch either, and when she gets back in contact with you tell her your time is precious and you don't like wasting your time.

aprildh08 · 2013-08-05T16:54:09+00:00

That's not a shit test, that's someone who was out of the country for a period of time prioritizing her friends over some bloke she's only met once. Maybe time to consider the fact that you're only the most important person in your life, not everyone else's.

Title	How would you handle this shit test?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	20
Date	August 4, 2013 12:14 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1jodsq/how_would_you_handle_this_shit_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-would-you-handle-this-shit-test.196591 https://theredarchive.com/post/196591

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