I hope this is okay here. The headline for the sub says "or long-term relationships," and I think those of you here may be more qualified to advise me as our relationship is set up more like a marriage than the typical LTR described on TRP. I will bold important details to help anyone skimming the post, but will otherwise be more elaborate. If that is still a bit too much of your time, please read just the last four paragraphs relating to the logistics of how to extricate myself from the arrangement without getting my balls slammed in a door etc. I'd really appreciate it. And thank everyone who puts so much time and effort into writing quality material on this subreddit. You're saints.

I ignored a lot of red flags entering this relationship. We both moved to the same state around the same time and met through a mutual friend.. For many years prior I had very little interest in dating, pursuing or even sex, really. In high school I practiced a lot of what is now known as "red pill," and had pretty good success getting girls interested, however was just chronically unimpressed with the girls I'd meet. Well, when I met this girl I was very impressed, and we instantly clicked and had an absurd amount of history in common. Like, really really unlikely thing in common. She was intelligent, articulate, etc. Really enjoyed spending time with her. Over the next few months missed/ignored a ton of red flags - one of the biggest being her absolute shit attitude when under duress (some attributed to PTSD). I guess it was easy to overlook because it was never toward me, and in fact my calm monotonous way ofof being had a real calming effect on her. I leveled her out. Here it seemed I had a diamond in the rough. I sheepishly thought my influence would be enough for her to work her way out of her terrible stress response. I was right, to some degree. She's a much more stable and happy person today than she was then.

Within 6 months we got an apartment together due to very high cost of living. She wasn't working but had a good amount of inheritance at the time. I'd just gotten started at my new job, could afford my half of bills but couldn't keep up with her spending (we split everything down the middle and kept a tab.) I grew my income significantly pretty quickly, she ran out of money before too long. At this point her tab is growing with me, though I don't give that nearly as much weight as she did.

We've lived in a few different apartments and alway been on a lease together. The current lease is ending soon. Now, I've seen writing on the walls for the past year that this relationship is not serving me well and never will. We've kind of argued over the same things repeatedly. She'll say that she needs more affection, attention etc. I'm generally not interested in accommodating that as she has such chronically bad behavior - can't argue civilly, can't stand being challenged, etc. Doesn't carry her weight with housework, despite not working while I work full time (then still bitching when I make a mess.) The biggest thing is that I've just lost attraction because of how bad her attitude is. She's sweet and bubbly at her best, I love her in those times, but she can be her ideal for several days and that all get erased in my mind when she shows her ugly side. It is that repulsive to me, and this reliably repeats. Her ugly side a person who believed everybody but herself is an idiot, that if people disagree with her they are ignorant, and who turns into a toddler in a tantrum when she is not getting her way or when she is argued with.

So for like a year I've known this needs to end, but have tried to find the way to do it ethically and in a way that doesn't result in her exploding, feeling abandoned, false accusations, pretty much every bad scenario has played out in my head and reminded me of the sensitive territory I'm charting. To add to that, neither of us have family around. Not even friends, really. We've isolated ourselves together. I think if I'd remained single upon moving here I'd have a thriving social life, but comfort, habit, and her insecurities and home-bodied nature kind of kept us alone together.

Lately though I've really been ramping up the desire to get out. Our character flaws/incompatibilities were enough, but once there were wrinkle in the trust I especially felt like the relationship was damaged beyond repair. She lied about something she didn't have to lie about (her history), something I knew for a fact to be a lie, and when called out, tried to explain it away with an explanation that did not make logical sense. I left the conversation there as it seemed futile to try to get a liar to admit they are lying or try to tease any truth out of somebody that's told you a lie. From this point forward I've found it unequivocal that the relationship is beyond repair as I will never fully trust her again.

That was a few months ago.

So, she is basically out of money, with a small monthly income, but nowhere near what is needed to live in this area or anywhere remotely close to the area. She despises where she is from, as well, and our location has helped her in a lot of ways. I've tried to break up with her a few times, as I felt it'd be more honest arrangement for us to stop romantic involvement and simply live as roommates until she can figure something out. Yet, she's seemingly incapable of that and feels she cannot live here if we are not together, that she wouldn't feel secure etc. And of course the muddiness of all of this, we end up "together," the following day and with her renewing her efforts for a period of time and stepping her game up. In a wrongful death case for the loss of her most beloved parent, she was expecting to have mediation like a month ago. Our lease was going to end like 2 months after that date. During that time we got a lease renewal notice. I'd been wanting to end things before the lease was up, but given that she was about to have surgery and about to go through extremely stressful legal proceeding relating to the death of her most beloved family member, felt that it would be cold to abandon her at such a crucial time and throw the weight of a breakup on top of the load she was already carrying. Plus, I figured, being the only one who can afford the apartment alone, I could always leave, give her a month to vacate as it'd be in her own interest to make sure the rent is paid while she's jointly responsible for it. I signed the paper, and asked her to drop it off at the leasing office. She agreed. Came home from work, the paper is not there and she mentions nothing which communicates that she did what she said she would do.

Fast-forward more than a month and I get a voicemail from the leasing office, saying they are trying to see if I am renewing and had a couple of questions and also needed my SO's new phone number. I call SO and say did you drop off the lease renewal? She says um, well, yes, they gave me a paper to change me from a leaseholder to an occupant, and said they were going to send a new lease, um... I end up ending the call and calling the leasing office to verify what she is saying. Yes, SO asked to be changed to an occupant. They gave her the transfer of lease form, which required both of our signatures. She held onto that and never brought it up. I strongly believe that if her mediation went through and she received a chunk of change, then she would have brought it up, as she'd have the means to leave. I also strongly believe that if she could have made that change without my signature, she absolutely would have. She'd have her escape hatch and could admit we over without the end of us also meaning the end of her having a roof over head. I come home from work, pretty aloof but not outwardly angry, and ask her where the form is. She says her purse, I say let me see it. She gets it. I say, sign it, and she does I drop off the form with both of our signatures to the leasing office the following morning and ask them to send me the lease so I can look it over and sign if I decide to.

The night of the discovery of the lie of omission, we are lying in bed and I am ready to go to sleep. She's had all day to apologize, hasn't, and I haven't brought it up beyond asking for the form. Yet lying in bed, she now wants to apologize. She virtually always immediately creates an excuse or justification immediately following an apology of any kind. So after she says she is sorry for not talking to me about it sooner, I say nothing and am shocked that she hasn't offered her excuse immediately after. I say I do not want to talk about this right now as I've had no time alone to digest the information, but thanks for apologizing. She says well I was going to say, that I wanted to talk to you about it, but was scared and that I just feel like you haven't been making an effort and hamster hamster. There it is, gentlemen, her deceit is my fault. Of course. I repeat that I do not want to talk about this, and that we can talk about it after her family, who's coming into town the following morning, leaves. I thought it seemed fair to her to save the talk that will likely be our final breakup for after she's entertained her family, not literally as they arrive. She pleads that it is not fair to not talk about it and leave her with that hanging over her head for 5 days while her family is in town, that she is sensitive and won't be able to eat, sleep, think, yada. Out of the interest of getting some damn sleep, I speak with her briefly, letting her know that I've had no time to think and that all I am certain of right now is that this was a massive severance of trust. She repeats that she just felt I've not been trying which is actually pretty appalling given how little she has brought to the relationship after the honeymoon phase. She asks if I would go to couple's therapy. I say no, and she says, why not? I say I just will not. She makes a frustrated reaction and we leave it there and I get some sleep. She thanks me for at least talking about as it she wouldn't have gotten any sleep.

My unstated reasons for not going -the relationship is not worth saving. We are not compatible, and I do not want to be with her forever, especially now with the few deceptions I have caught her in, I believe the relationship is damaged beyond repair. Additionally, I feel it would serve her as a stalling tactic to remain in our current living arrangement until she has the means to settle on our own. Because, remember, she's incapable of admitting we are over and still maintaining the living arrangement.

She picks her family up the following morning, because I happen to like them a lot, I spend Friday evening and all of Saturday with them when I really should be reflecting, digesting, and planning. Let her know this morning I won't be joining them and needed to do my own thing and think.

I am done. She has signed over her rights as a leaseholder and is now only an occupant - technically giving me the power to ask her to leave. I could go get a hotel for a week, have the leasing office give her the notice to leave, and surely witness a disastrous meltdown. A cornered animal is dangerous though, and given her lack of options I truly fear her response. I like at least having the card of her only being an occupant, but am still not sure there's any "clean" way to play that card.

As I've not received and signed the revised lease yet, and therefore not renewed, another option would be to pay the final month's rent, not renew, but get another place on my own and tell her she can ride out this lease until it is over and take whatever she feels is her or feels she needs. Still messy, still painful, still a lot of unknown variable in how she'd respond. Again biggest fears are false accusations or her becoming vengeful and trying to ruin my life - as that is a fact of her ugly side which is definitely her dominate side when stressed.

**Another option, I could make it clear I'm not interested in making anything work, without verbally telling her we are not together, to allow her to live her lie and keep a roof over her head, until she either gets on her feet or gets a chunk of change. But what if that does not happen anytime soon and what if living with her becomes more dangerous than the aftermath of getting her out? This option is one of compassion and is the closest to how I've treated things in the past. I care about her and don't want to leave her up shit's creek without a paddle, but I doubt this is in my best interest. However, as she is now only an occupant, I supposed I'd always reserve the ability to disappear for awhile, remove her from the lease and let the apartment settle the rest. I can imagine about a million ways this could blow up in my face, too, though

I am seriously at a loss here. I am paralyzed and although I'll miss her, really just want this chapter of my life over and to be on my own and out of this sticky mess. Any advice seriously appreciated.**